Dear Debs123:

You are welcome. In this post I want to review what you shared so far, beginning with your original post: “He’s now asked me to dinner. He said he’s excited to see me and catch up…  2 weeks later, no word. “- What happened to his stated excitement to see you? It didn’t motivate him to contact you and arrange to have dinner with you, two weeks so far.

“I always felt something was off, sensed he was lying to me about things. But could never catch him in anything. Until the last breakup. He got caught in a lie… (and) another lie he told. So he lied about lying“- so, you did catch him lying twice, two years ago (the time of the last breakup).

“He said he’d supplement my income until we could buy a house together.  And he bailed, less than 2 months later, citing communication problems… Leaving me to figure out how I’m going pay the bills“- he made a promise to you: to supplement your income, and he broke his promise with no guilty conscience, so it seems.

“He hated conflict, so when I would approach him about how I was feeling, like when he seemed ‘different’ to me, he would eventually blow up at me because, for me, it just wasn’t resolved. He was tired of me bringing things up“- reads like in his mind, his dominant attitude has My Way, or the Highway. No willingness to consider.. your way.

“He did nice things for me throughout the times we were together. He had a way of making me feel special, that I was important. However, he was unkind at times also, making jokes at my expense, saying mean things in the heat of the moment… There just seemed to be something missing, holes in stories.. There were times I thought I was going crazy, unsure about what was real and what wasn’t.  Was he even real?  Was he hiding behind a mask? Was I just paranoid?“- reads to me that you were not paranoid regarding him, and that he was- is, indeed, hiding behind a mask, as in a succession of mask-on, mask-off behaviors, a pattern that would confuse anyone who is emotionally attached to him while not being  aware of what is happening.

What you shared about him makes me think of a title of a book: People of The Lie by Dr. Peck. Quotes from the book that seem to fit the guy you were involved with (and in parentheses, explanation of the quotes by bookey. app):

“The most common form of evil is not the spectacular crime, but the everyday betrayal” (“the author persuasively suggests that the most prevalent type of evil is not the sensationalized acts of violence or grand crimes, but rather the everyday betrayals we often disregard… While we may be quick to condemn heinous acts that make headlines, we often overlook the small but significant ways in which individuals harm others through deceit, manipulation, and acts of betrayal in our everyday interactions”).

“Evil is often hidden in plain sight, camouflaged by the masks of normalcy” (“In our daily lives, we encounter numerous individuals who seem perfectly normal and ordinary, yet behind their seemingly innocent facade lies a darker side… Evil… thrives on disguises and camouflage, fooling those around it. It serves as a reminder that appearances can be deceiving”).

“Evil seeks to destroy truth because truth reveals its existence” (“Evil is inherently threatened by truth… Evil thrives in darkness and deception, using lies and manipulation to conceal its true intentions”).

“Evil feeds on the ignorance and complacency of good people” (“Evil thrives when good people remain unaware or indifferent to its presence… It serves as a reminder that combating evil requires not only the absence of malevolence but also active awareness, vigilance, and a refusal to turn a blind eye to injustice. Only through the collective effort of the good can evil be confronted and overcome”).

“Evil lives in the gap between what is said and what is done” (“True evil lurks not only in the actions or words themselves, but in the inherent contradiction that arises when they fail to align. The quote implies that evil thrives in these gaps, exploiting the dissonance between purported values or intentions and the actual behavior exhibited. Whether through empty promises, deceit, or hypocrisy, evil finds fertile ground in the space where words and actions do not align, serving as a reminder to be vigilant and aware of the incongruities that may exist in our interactions with others”).

anita

Dear Debs123:

You are very welcome and thank you for the appreciation. I will be back to you in about 11 hours from now.

anita

Hi Debs

Aww thank you, you are an angel! 😇❤️

That is honestly fair if your heart wasn’t in dating before. Dating can be difficult. It is very much a numbers game and there can be a lot of people who aren’t a good match. If you have a clear idea of what you do and don’t want in a relationship that can be helpful.

The good thing is now that you are aware of differences between actions and words that you can take this knowledge with you into other relationships and it will protect you.

I don’t know if you have experienced this? One thing that is a common issue in dating are people who try to bond overly quickly. Some might be trying to impress, some might be trying to keep interest, some might be a bit unstable. The difficulty is that level of effort is generally unsustainable, so you can potentially bond with someone who isn’t going to behave in the original way later on. It is good to protect your heart until you know each other better.

Have fun with your research on schemas! I agree, this forum is a wonderful place to talk to kind strangers.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏