Dear Bernadette:

Do you wish you were able to change your bf from untrustworthy to trustworthy, to make him stop lying? Are you stuck in still wishing- retractively- this very wish?

I am wondering if you are stuck in the hurt of an old betrayal, older even than the betrayal of the bf of five years?

anita

Dear Bernadette:

I can see why you don’t have the energy to ivest in a prospect that is likely to end up like all the others in the past. Why invest in getting hurt? So, unless you have a good reason, unless you can convince yourself that this time you will not be hurt, or that you will be unlikely to get hurt; unless you can convince yourself that you will be wiser this time- you shouldn’t.

You shouldn’t do the same things that got you bad results in the past. You should do something different.

What can you do that is different- in a next relationship- if you attempt one- that can bring you better results?

anita

What exactly was it about the guy who lied and the guy who drank that you were attracted to? Was it confidence? Did you feel a certain way etc? Were they very charming? I can guarantee you weren’t attracted to the lying and the drinking, but there was something they both had that attracted you. Find out what that is. (When women are attracted to the “bad boy” types, it’s not the bad behavior they like it’s another trait that can sometimes accompany bad behavior) Once you know what is attracting you, you can then look for that trait in men who are honest and not heavy drinkers. Best of luck!

~Jodi