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Emotional Rollercoaster. Thoughts please?

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  • June 26, 2016 at 8:03 pm #108317
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lauren:

    You wrote: “I wonder what I am overlooking now?”

    I think you are overlooking this guy’s disrespect and mistreatment of you. You are not seeing that this is not love and hasn’t been love, not since the beginning when he left you outside his basement.

    It must be that as a child you didn’t know love, that you were ignored, rejected, mistreated. If you were loved as a child, you would have known that this thing with this man is not love.

    It feels badly to be mistreated by him but you are used to it. To remove the blinders and see what is happening, I am afraid, you will have to see what happened to you as a child. This is when you closed your eyes. And so they remain closed.

    I am so sorry. I “see” your pain and I wish you knew love, not mistreatment.

    What happened to you as a child, you probably don’t want to see. It is not a pretty sight, to be fully aware of what was. But the price you pay for not being aware of what happened then, is that you are not fully aware of what is happening now.

    If you were fully aware of what is happening now, you would be out of where you live immediately, no second thoughts.

    What do you think… feel?

    anita

    June 27, 2016 at 9:05 am #108344
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lauren,

    This guy gets weirdly over the top jealous (Strike One).

    Then he can’t understand that you were grieving your father’s death (Strike Two).

    Now this Craig’s List guy gives you nothing emotionally! (Strike Three).

    OK, people get all hung up on their “stuff”. Leave the stuff if he’s unemployed (that is the ransom you pay for getting out). If he has a job he goes to, call a moving company and get the stuff into storage. Fast!

    Then, fall off the grid. Don’t let him know where you’re staying at. I don’t care if you stay at a Women’s Shelter, that’s what it’s for! Let your boss know what’s happening. Lose your cellphone. Change your email. Deactivate Facebook, etc.

    The longer you are Out and Gone, the less likely it is that you will be sucked back in. He WILL try to stalk you again. Stay strong!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 27, 2016 at 2:56 pm #108362
    Lakra
    Participant

    Hey Lauren,

    honestly he´s been emotionally abusing you throughout your whole relationship. I´ve been there too. So don´t feel bad. Don´t blame it on yourself. You might have let it happen but you can stop it now.

    Sometimes it´s better to leave a relationship so broken – you´re just gonna get cut again. You´ve been doing the same thing over and over again – yet you dont get different results. He wont change. You deserve so much better and you can get so much better. Don´t waste any more of your life time on a guy that has not the least respect for you. You can never get that time back dear.
    From my perspective you don´t love yourself enough as corny as it sounds. If you saw a loved one being treated that way wouldn´t you want them to leave this kind of relationship? Please pack your things and go. At first you might miss him but you can always find new friends – a new relationship when you´re ready. You cant change the past but you can change your future.

    A big hug from me,

    Lakra

    June 27, 2016 at 6:34 pm #108381
    Maria Mango
    Participant

    Hi Lauren,

    First off, please, please don’t beat yourself up about being naive and allowing this to continue for so long, you deserve much better for yourself!

    The truth is, you can’t know what you don’t know.

    When you’re young, as you were when you met your boyfriend, you just don’t have the life experience or the emotional intelligence to realize when someone is being emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse is really insidious and even people who have been on the Path for years and years can fall prey to it. In your case, you did realize something was funny about the situation in the beginning but it seems that you just didn’t have the tools yet to formulate a proper response to it. So try not to get caught in that self blame spiral, it will only keep you down.

    Now you are waking up and gaining some new emotional tools that will help you rise up out of this bad situation. And I do believe that your relationship is bad for you and for him as well. I concur with everyone when they say you should really cut ties with this man. He has a lot of work to do on himself and so do you, because you both deserve to be happy.

    You’ve done so much and grown so much already. You have a really brilliant future ahead of you I’m sure of it, you just have to learn now that you are good enough (you are and you always have been) to reach that future. Change is hard and scary, but remember its worth it and we are all here for you so post anytime!

    Good luck!

    -M

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Maria Mango.
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