Home→Forums→Tough Times→Dual Career Couples / Moving / Tough Decisions
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Anonymous.
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March 24, 2017 at 12:13 pm #141537
JenParticipantHi everybody,
I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is finishing law school and has accepted a job as a Coast Guard lawyer. We have been waiting for a very long time to find out what city he will be assigned to and now have 2 months until our lease is up. I want our relationship to work and am willing to go with him, but not knowing makes it impossible for me to plan or to apply for jobs in the city he is assigned to. I am currently working in marketing / graphic design. I enjoy what I do but still feel as though I am unsure of exactly what career path I want to be on, but currently am aspiring to work in the advertising industry with an agency.
Our relationship (me especially) is struggling because we are waiting to find out where we are assigned, we don’t know where we are moving in 2 months when our lease ends. I am very concerned that wherever we are assigned, I may struggle to find the job I want and to feel fulfilled, and to advance my career. I do not want to be the bored, low-paid, coast guard girlfriend who has made too big of a sacrifice in terms of career for her boyfriend. To a certain extent, I have already made sacrifices to be where we are now for him to finishe law school.
In this situation, I feel like I am having to choose between what I want and my career, and my boyfriend, not that they are necessarily mutually exclusive, but the Coast Guard will demand a lot from both of us. I feel that he is the person I want to spend my life with, but am concerned that I will be unhappy in the new place and ultimately our relationship will fail, if I do not put my wants / goals / career first. I know that I am not alone in this issue in today’s age.
Has anyone been through a similar situation before or can anyone offer any words of wisdom? Thank you for listening.
March 24, 2017 at 7:40 pm #142061
AnonymousGuestDear Jen:
Can you extend the lease and stay where you are currently living for a month or two after he moves out for his job? Or, if not possible, maybe you can rent a room for a month or two in the same city?
This way, you can buy some time to figure things out: you can continue your job, research the city he moved to, contact employers and so forth, and generally get used to the idea of your next residence.
If you are having a good relationship and want to spend the rest of your life with him, and so does he, use this time of instability as an opportunity to have a strong relationship anyway. Get closer to him, not farther away. Good employment is important, but so is a healthy, loving, strong relationship.
anita
March 25, 2017 at 7:17 am #142085
InkyParticipantHi Jen,
This is a common issue when being in a relationship with someone in the military. My son will be studying at the Academy and afterwards would be stationed God knows where. I know there is are websites and forums for Coast Guard and other military spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends.
For you specifically, breaking into advertising can be tough, but you could theoretically be a graphic designer anywhere with a computer. So the two months you might be in limbo anyway even if you knew where you were going.
If he were stationed in, say, Alaska, that would be bad news. But in general you should be in good shape. There will be cities and civilization where he ends up and the worst that could happen is you live maybe an hour away from him.
I don’t know, it’s tough. Check out support networks for this one!
Good Luck!
Inky
March 25, 2017 at 9:53 am #142097JenParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you for your input. Unfortunately I can’t extend the lease, and would prefer not to move to a different spot in the city, to only move again in a month or two. But that is a good point and idea, to have some more time to ease into the transition. And you’re totally right, having a good job isn’t everything, in fact I feel like I place deep value in all of my relationships, but at the same time I want to be successful and feel proud of what I do, and not have to sacrifice that. This is a real test for our relationship, and though I certainly want to get closer to my partner, it’s very difficult to see how this Coast Guard situation benefits me in any way.
Inky,
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I know this is common, doesn’t make it any easier though. You are right also that breaking into advertising is very difficult and competitive, which is why I feel that both myself and my partner at pivotal moments in our careers, where we’re just going to do it or not. You also have a good point that all I really need is a computer, I’m not necessarily opposed to freelancing but I need more agency experience before I can say I’m really experienced in my field. I’ll definitely check out the support network.
I really appreciate your thoughts! Thank you both for being awesome people!
Hugs,
March 26, 2017 at 8:58 am #142175AnonymousGuestDear Jen:
You are welcome. So what is your plan- are you going to move with him to wherever it is he is moving to?
anita
March 26, 2017 at 9:31 am #142181JenParticipantHi Anita,
Ha! Good question. I think I will try to to make it work in the city that he is assigned to, luckily they are most all metropolitan cities where jobs a plentiful, and I think I will give it 6 months and if I can’t find the job I’m looking for I will have to re-assess and maybe do something else.
March 26, 2017 at 11:30 am #142207AnonymousGuestDear Jen:
You do have a plan then. Is he aware of this plan and did the two of you discuss all parts of it, so to prepare and plan best you can financially and emotionally?
A financial plan would to agree on how the two of you will handle finances while you look for work and throughout possible six months of unemployment. This has to be clear and agreed on ahead of time, considering all possibilities.
Example of an emotional plan: maybe joining a gym there and attending it daily, while unemployed, and while he is working, so to give you the routine you will need and stress relief.
anita
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