Yes i would like that. Maybe that would help me react less to when i am being rejected, or feeling like i am being rejected.

Hi Tee,

1) yes that feeling of going crazy because I thought he liked me and then being rejected was extremely painful. I am very protective of myself and doesn’t usually ask a man out on a date. But the more i think it over and the way he acts around my female colleagues i am now certain that his rejection wasn’t because because of a lack of feelings but something else. This us a emormous relief! I am better at reading people than i give myself credit for.

I’m also learning about psychology, trauma responses, attachment styles etc. To learn about how it all affects our behaviour. This is really helpful. Trauma makes you react in I rational ways. Like when the guy i liked started to make a pass at me, i bolted and ended up with a guy that i knew wasn’t good for me. Or all the times i cancel led plans with my friends because i was convinced that they didn’t really like me, even though they kept showing me that they did (self dabotaging behaviour, pushing away the people closets to me)

2) i am getting better at seeing the patterns in my behaviour. Like my anxiety with a guy only kicks in when I’m starting to attach or really like the person. It’s when it gets vulnerable and there’s a change that i could get rejected. Both me and him weren’t in any way awkward with each other the first one or two months. That happened after pretty much at the same time. Here is where i need to learn not to shut down and ignored the person. But to take a step forward and be vulnerable to show him, you are making advances at me and I accept those advances. Not expect him to be a mindreader.

3)learning to communicate. Since both me and him are very indirect to protect ourselves there’s too much room for misunderstandings. Speaking up for myself and being authentic. Try to repair any damage instead of cutting people of without trying to fix it. It’s a proces but I’m getting better.

3) try not to take things too personally. In Regards to his birthday party, is not exactly new that they go partying together without me. They have been doing that for months and they know his friends well now. I also really don’t like these parties which they know. a

Looking at him with compassion. After all we have a lot in common in our behaviour. We both have trauma, anxiety and diagnosis. And we are both working on it, it is not a smooth sailing by any means.

I am also exhausted. I am a month in on 3-4 hour sleep every night, overtime 9-10 shifts in a row, heart ache, two weeks in extreme pain and health expensive that’s gonna cost me four times my rent. Am my short holiday of going home to family couldn’t go because flight tickets were way too expensive.

I am fortunatly not in physically pain any more,but I am working 11 days in a row to help pay for this treatment so not a lot of rest. Sleep has always been a problem because of my PTSD, the only time i have had a time with a 6-7 hour nights sleep was when a lived with the guy i was with earlier this year.

I have a lot of patterns to u learn. I’ve found out that I’m quite the hypocrite. Most of the hurtful things the cute guy did, I have done myself. So i am not really in a potition to be mad at him.

I think compassion is the key here, we both have a lot of self sabotaging behaviour to try and keep us safe, but really it only does the opposite. I nearly cancelled my housewarming because they were late. My anxiety took over and said they don’t care and they don’t really want to be here. You might as well cancel. Also trying to be very i dependent, like i don’t need anybody i have myself. Self sabotaging behaviour has been a very big blindspot. Couldn’t begin to see it until i got diagnosed.

The feeling of being left out still hurts. I went home early from the staff party yesterdaylike i always do. Being in a party setting and everybody being drunk and a ting out is not my thing. It also makes me feel jeloux. Seeing my two friends cling to the guy i like for obvious reasons. But also seeing everybody having fun while drinking. It send me back to High school. Always feeling like the odd man out, and that I’m suposed to enjoy it. I just doesn’t.

Hi Tee,

I have always felt like if i have a partner then i can do anything. Mening that having just one person in your corner that likes you and all the health benefits you get from hugging someone that loves you. It was like having a man sleeping next to me calmed my nervous system. We as humans are wired for human conection and I have been alone my entire life. No boyfriends (same cycle. Guy shows interest through long time i start believing it, takes a step forward then gets ghosted) never been good at keeping friendships. Once we don’t work or go to the same school we lise contact. So all my life i have worked towards being good emough. Cuz if I were then i would have people in my life.

The staff party was hard because one everybody gets wasted, they are not the selve and I get jeloux. Seeing them cling and flirt with the guy i like. They said some months ago that he was sending me good signals and that they would help me out with him because of my anxiety, but they never did. They kept seeing him as a group outside of work without including me and I think that’s why i hurts extra. I feel like they betrayed my trust, and not acting very much like friends.

They only have this flirting behaviour when they all get drunk. I don’t like drunk people, you never know what the will do.

He (the cute guy) also made me a bit uncomfortble. He did smile and say hi to me, then he mingled and talked with everybody, but then decided to walk up and stand right next to me for a long time just sipping his drink not talking just standing close to me(there was plenty of space got him to stand else where) that hurt me. It was awkward.

Hi Anita

Good to hear from you. I’m feeling a bit on and off. The staff party was hard on me. So many people at that party and he was there. He did smile and say hi, but it was hard for me because he was mingling and talking with everybody then he walked over at stood right next to me slipping his drink not saying anything. There was so much space in that party bus, so him standing that close was really hard(expecially since I’m not good at these parties) then we had to do an escape room and not only was he (and the two girls) there (like great i have to be locked in a room with you for an hour) our group then got divided into two groups ( i was standing in the front for the small room and they were standing in the back for the bigger room) we had to solve a code to get into the same room. Then he jumped into my group(for the small room) and she told us that one had to join the big group because our room was gonna be smaller but he stayed so someone else had to join the big group. That was a bit uncomfortable for me it felt weird.

I’m still talking it over with my friends. Talked with a guy that he works reception with and he also said that this screams that he did like me. Talking about this particular part is extremely helpful. I think it comes from having my reality denied so many times.

Hi Anita,

It means everything. Knowing i am not going crazy and that i can trust my perception is just a huge relief! And it will help me next time i am starting to pick up signals from someone. To meet them half way and not bee so avoident for so long, is definitly better to open up sooner.