Dear Katrine,

Yes, and it was hard because I had to deal with several months of anxiety ever since he said he liked me and wanted us to be dating and it was all for nothing.

Yeah, it was actually a weird situation, to be honest. I didn’t know you were not in a relationship but had a deal to “take it one day at a time and see what happens.” This was a cop-out on his side, because he didn’t want to be in a relationship any more, and then used a stupid excuse that no LDR ever works, which isn’t true. You unfortunately didn’t get his intention, but kept hoping that you can stay friends and perhaps down the line might get back together.

So I think he fooled you, he probably didn’t want to sound harsh or too direct, so he offered you a “soft” version of a breakup: staying friends and “taking things one day at a time”. Of course you can’t do that if you live in different countries, because if you want to meet, it needs coordination and planning (and willingness on both sides).

Letting things run their course, without any effort to meet, can only lead to one thing: breakup. And this is what he allowed to do. I mean, you did break up in April, but he sort of pretended it’s not the final breakup. But then with his behavior he confirmed that indeed, he doesn’t want a closer relationship and let things fizzle out.

So yeah, he was stringing you along since April, but you wanted to believe him. You wanted him to at least be a good friend, because you have a wound of rejection. That’s why you accepted the whole arrangement, instead of realizing where it is leading.

I am sorry, Katrine. I wish you told me about this arrangement, because I would have told you it doesn’t sound promising. But okay, you did stop it now. You decided to stop waiting around. So that’s good. Because he would have probably kept the “friendship” promise, but then kept drifting away more and more.

I do hope you get over him and focus on having fun during the summer, exploring new cities, meeting new people. But please, do work on your wound of rejection. Because in this case, you actually accepted a deal that wasn’t favorable to you, because you didn’t want to be rejected. But eventually you were, only in a soft, indirect way, which does hurt because you were keeping your hopes up.

Dear Katrine,

I’m sorry I thought I did. I think I was a bit out of it.

it’s okay. Maybe a part of you didn’t want to believe that it’s a big change in the relationship. That things might go in a bad direction. So you just kept hoping and behaving as if nothing really changed. Because it hurts. It hurts to start hoping to finally have found a good guy, and then him rejecting you.

And yes, he did seem like a decent guy. Everybody else was telling you that too. So you wanted to believe that it will turn out fine…

Feeling hurt by having to go throught this again. Getting my hopes up and everything

Yeah, the previous guy was also giving you mixed signals. And he kept acting strangely afterwards too, even when he was already dating the Australian girl.

The only thing you can do it to work on healing that wound. Because that would give you more clarity in situations like this. Have you had a session with that therapist that you told me about?

Dear Katrine,

Yeah so much disappointment. Just one after the other. The previous guy weird behaviour after just prolonged the pain, and receiving this treatment straight after by one close friend was defo not what I needed.

Yes, I am sorry you had to go through all that. This guy looked promising to me too, he sounded decent and like someone who wouldn’t string you along. So I too am disappointed that he changed his mind and became flaky.

I got a new computer so now it’s just down to adding zoom and then I should be good to go. Been so overwhelmed lately with injury, overtime and illness but I think I will contact her next week.

Yeah, do that, because you’ll feel better, I am sure. Even if it’s just for a couple of sessions.

How is your heel spur, is it getting better?

Dear Katrine,

happy to hear your heel is completely healed. Yes, do those exercises if they can prevent it from happening again!

I hope therapy will help a little. Let me know how it went…

Dear Katrine,

good to hear that you’ve contacted the therapist and are planning to start sessions once she comes back from holidays…

How are you doing? Have you been in touch with the guy?

Are you going on holidays too, or you’ll be working most of the time?