Hi Tee,

Sorry for my very very late reply, things at work have been mental. Three male collegues of mine are under investigation (by the company I work for) two for inapropiatly behaviour of sexual nature, I had to to give a statement too, and one for abusing behaviour with the kitchen staff, like making people cry (two quit on the same day9 and even biting staff (wtf!) like that wasn’t enough we had a private party in the bar, we have had them before always the same group of people but they have been acting out at the last many event like trowing ice and stuff at my collegues (I used to work them all but now I don’t) the last one we had, one person started a fight in reception, punched my manager in the face and it ended up on the street just outside in a fatal stabbing. My parents are coming to visit me next week and I don’t want them too worry about it, I was supposed to work the night shift that night but swaped shifts with one of the 19 year olds. We are having a staff meeting about evrything tomorrow.

Yes your right. I just took it as a push them away for months and the right one will of course keep fighting for me and not let it stop them.

I’m trying to do exposure therapy with that guy. Just a little bit. Like the other day I was having a coffee before my shift started and he came in to make himself a take away tea before going out to the park to read, but pulled out a chair and sat next to me. He didn’t really say anything and so my anxiety wanted me to just be scolling on my phone ignoring him and trying to distract myself but I choose to smalltalk instead asking him about his book. So a small thing but I didn’t let my anxiety win so I’m happy about that.

She is a clinical hypnotherapist and a NLP master practitioner, but based on the price and given the fact that all the therapy I have had didn’t really help I am not sure if this will help.

It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around because it came out of nowwhere and he never gave me any signals. He knows about the situation about the other guy, found out some months after we started working together. He’s really sweet, I can talk with him about anything. He’s very atractive and we have been spending quite a lot of time together. Maybe something will happen.

Hi Tee,

It’s been mental. It was a guest from the party that stabbed another guests from the sound of it. They won’t give a lot of details but police were there when my collegue came to work the next day. Those private events are not gonna be anymore they have had a lot of issues with them before. My manager got punched in the face but is okay given the circumstaces. We have had a lot of stuff happening before (we have more than 900 beds) someone overdosed last summer, people getting arrested for fights but I have been lucky that I wasn’t there when it happen (usually happens later in the night after I have left)

The cute guy is not one of them, but from the sound of it he and my collegue aren’t a thing anymore. Yes unfortunatly he is (the other guy) he’s mid 20s so a bit younger than me and he’s nearly walked out a couple of times because he won’t risk his mental health over it witch I completely understand. I hope that it will have consecvenses for the him, he’s always been like this and will never change (he has his own issues and mental health problemes)

Yes, exactly I’m gonna start working on that asap.

Yes. I still get a bit nervous around him, especially that day cuz he wasn’t on the work schedule so didn’t expect him to be there. But I’m glad that I managed to not give in to my anxiety and just stare at my phone.

I was just really surprised because I had no idea that he likes me that way. He said that he respects our friendship and understand if I don’t want to take it further but if I want to date him now or in the future to let him know. I have been aprehensive about it because we are friends and if it doesn’t work out you could potentialy loose a friend. At least with the cute guy there was a distance. But the thought of dating him has crossed my mind so we will see.

I haven’t been to therapy after being diagnosed. A couple of months after I moved abroad again and as much as I would love to start therapy it’s expensive and hard to find a good match. I did do some session about tapping to help ease my anxiety, craniosakral therapy and hypnotherapy for my sleep issues but hasn’t helped as much as I would have liked.

Hi Tee,

Yes, we have so many different people checking in that a lot of stuff happens. I asked not to work nights because it’s bad for me and my Cptsd and fortunatly i don’t have to do them any more.

Yeah he’s known for it. Prepandemic though he was friends with the top manager and so never had any consecvenses I really hope that this is taken seriously this time. They work so hard in that kitchen but they also need a good work environment. He can’t treat people this way.

Yeah I’m still sad that nothing happened between us. And it’s still hard for me to see them together. Got back after midnight after picking up my parents and he was sitting next to her do it looks like they made up again. She was sad all of last week and people were hugging her because he was foling around behind her back. Yesterday they were drinking so she didn’t show up for work today, I want my parents to meet all the new people. I still react to him but not as much as before do it’s going better, which is good because he has been coming to work early and been sitting at the end of the count er, he will look at me but don’t really talk like with the others.

He knew for some months that i was hurt by this, he didn’t think it is okay for him to ignore and act weird around me. He is the best he is like the guy i was with, you just know your in good hands, and I have been starting to see him as more than friends.

I really want to start therapy and asking around is a great idea, I really want to feel better.

Hi Tee,

Me too I’m glad that they are understanding to my situation.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes he is the head chef and the people there are agency workers so they aren’t hired by the company like I am. Only now that someone spoke up, she is also being harassed by my manager. So much bad stuff happening.</p>
Yeah I know I doged a bullet by not being with him, but it’s hard when you like someone you know is bad for you. I can still get mad at him for the way he’s acting. Like he wanted to to pass through first (like a gentleman) but then he’ll walk up to the person I’m talking to but not talk to me (still) no problem being psycically close or keeping eye contact. Such a weird behaviour I never expected him to act this way, I hate that I still react to him luckly I’m reacting less and less and ido hope that he won’t change his mind and is still going abroad. Would make it a lot faster to completly forget about him. And like they say for every rat you see there’s 50 you don’t.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>He’s so nice. I do remember thinking when he started working here that if nothing happens with the cute guy then this guy seems really nice. We are gonna plan to go out and do something when our schedule allow it and I’m really looking forward to it. Even some colleagues have started asking about us.</p>
I will continue to look for a therapist and I will finish reading the book Pete Walkers book about Complex PTSD.

Hi Tee,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>So my manager (the one who harrased the girl who reported him, and acted in apropiatly) just got fired. So that’s good, now we hope it has consecvenses for the head chef as well. It’s difficult though because people like that don’t abuse everybody, and it’s so hidden. Luckly the girl who reported had something in text so there was proof that he did stuff.</p>
Your right I’m gonna try not to expect a different behaviour from him and focus on the good stuff that is going on. I just had the best time off with my parents. I can tell we all are feeling better. They were plantning to come visit in May but because I been going through some tough stuff they came straight away. It’s been so good for me. It was good to feel like a normal family (no illness and stuff) just the three of us having the best time going out exploring the city.

From what I have read in Pete Walkers book it’s really really good, just need to start reading it again.

Hi Tee,

Yes he got fired, fairly quickly people are feeling so much better at work now. Now we are waiting for news about the other two.

We had the best time and very healing just to be like family and not have illness be the main focus, they met all my new collegues and the weather was amazing!

I am also doing a lot better and not getting as anxious and dysregulated around the guy. We just had a staff party and I felt really bad before hand because I knew I would have to see them as a couple. we had a double decker party bus (like the last one) We never said anything to each other just staying with our own group but at one point after a quick stop, he walked up and sat right infront of me (didn’t have too there was plenty of space to sit). We didn’t have like seats reserved people were kinda just moving around as they pleased, I was the only one who stayed in one place. So I didn’t like that he sat just right infront of me cuz I knew it was only a matter of time before she would join him and they would make out, and then me leaving would be to obvious that it was because of them since my coat and bag was there, so I just talked to my guy collegue who came up to me. Weirdly I didn’t get that “I feel sick to my stomach” kind of feeling that I always gets around seeing them together. And this time they were making out, like a lot a lot. And then later when his group (the new aussi girls) and everybody else were in the front of the bus and I was in the back dancing with three male collegues (not dancing together but seperate) and he walked down to my end just hanging there. I even looked like he was filming it definitly looked like it the way he was holding his phone, which was really weird when we were in the quiet end, and after some minutes she came running down to make out with him again. Feels like his still playing games.

But I’m proud of myself I stayed and I didn’t feel half as bad as I thought I would. I really did have an amazing time and was able to just enjoy it. I think it has something to do with the chef he has been really sweet. We were supposed to grab a coffe after his morning shift (I was off that day) but he ended up surprising me with tickets to a museum that has been on my to do list for a long time, he also talked about going to a park to watch the sunset but it got too cold so we went to a pub instead. He didn’t sleep at all that night (his dad suffered a heart attack three days earlier) and he did all of that. Even our collegues have been smiling a lot at us. He’s gonna go home to South America in two months to see his family for some time which I completely understand.

Hi Tee,

Yeah I think so too. He’s only hanging out with girls from work never the boys, or even just a mix. First it was X and Y and the partying (that he keeps saying that he will stop with) now it’s the young girls and drinking. I can see the weirdness and anxiety in him goes away and he’s confident. The behaviour at the party was the same as the first staff party. The standing close but not talking, the making out right in front of me , the filming made me feel a bit uncomtable, it was weird. The day after he asked me if I had fun at the party, and I could honestly said that it was a lot of fun especially the bus. Felt good to say that and actually mean it. It’s stille not easy to see, but I have been reacting eay less than before. I don’t know if he’s still going to travel abroad or if he’s changed his mind. Hope he does leave cuz it’s hard to move on from something that you are constanly confronted with.

The day we went to the gallery I got a bit nervous around, not knowing what to say. It felt a bit date like and a very good day. He unfortanuatly had to work the staff party and two days later we had drinks at work (staff member leaving party) and he said he wanted to be there but had to make an important phone call in the end it got too late for him to join.  Today I was supposed to see him at work but he left shortly after saying he’s not sure he will come back to work here again because of the head chef. He said he needs some rest and time to think which I completely understand and he knows I am here when he’s ready to talk about it.

Hi Tee,

Yeah, he has a group of guy friends from outside of work. After we did yoga he started coming to work and party with them. But he’s never had a drink with the boys after work just girls, I too (like X) think he uses alcohol, women and drugs to feel better about himself. I really hurts, I have been through a lot and don’t deserve this behaviour. I think in this case my avoident naturen served me better, cuz I never gave him the same amount of attention as the others. And my colleagues were surprised to find out that I’m still hurtig from it, they couldn’t tell. Same as I have been told that i can hide my anxiety really well, it felt so good telling him i had fun at the staff party (the filming me was a bit weird though) but I really did have a lot of fun!

Yes, I have been seeing him in another light lately since now I know that he’s interessed.

I totally understand if he wants to leave because of the head chef, I really Hope that he gets fired and he doesn’t have to find another job but I am sure we will stay in touch. He talked about going back to Brazil in May for a couple of months and then come back here.