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Do We All Have Flaws?

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  • #367296
    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    Hey everyone. I hope everyone is staying safe during Covid-19. So far, I’ve taken two tests and they’ve come back negative, so I’m grateful for that.

    I was watching Tik Tok videos on YouTube and there were these compilations of kids who talked about their parents being horrible to these children. It kind of triggered me in a way. I still don’t know to this day if my family is loving with flaws, or if they’re low key toxic. It’s like I’ve been gaslighted to the point where I deny my own memories. While I never grew up in an abusive home, someone was always upset about something. That’s why I wrote before about moving out. I don’t think my stepbrother was the reason we started having problems, or even the Coronavirus pandemic. I think there were problems before that were just exacerbated because of those incidents. Even though I’m happy that I’m not anyone’s therapist anymore, I hate that leaving to move to Boston is the only way I can be truly happy. Anita, if you see this post, reply as soon as you can. Thanks.

    #367300
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aiyana Henderson:

    I am glad to read that your Covid-19 tests came back negative and I hope that you continue to keep yourself healthy and safe.

    “I still don’t know to this day if my family is loving with flaws, or they’re low key toxic… someone was always upset about something. That’s why I wrote before about moving out.. I hate that leaving to move to Boston is the only way I can be truly happy”-

    – First, congratulations for moving to Boston!

    Second, regarding whether your family is “loving with flaws”- a loving parent does not express being upset in unnecessary ways. What I mean by it, is let’s say a mother is upset. Her face may show it, it’s automatic; her voice may sound upset, that’s automatic too. But a loving mother will take control over further expressions of her upset: she will resist the urge to yell, for example, or to go on and on and on about what upsets her, or to slam a door, etc., so to not unnecessarily upset her children.

    anita

    #367331
    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Your analysis is very good. For once, I tried to be the assertive one and make things easier. Someone was disappointed, but I don’t feel guilt over it. The pandemic has made me open my eyes to how things weren’t how I thought they were. With everything going on in the world, I have to have a space to decompress. I don’t do well with conflict because I only prefer to avoid it. I don’t do well with it because it drains my energy. I wish people would see that.

    Aiyana

    #367332
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aiyana:

    “I don’t do well with conflict.. because it drains my energy. I wish people would see that”- conflicts drain energy, distressing people, this is why we should avoid unnecessary conflicts, and when conflicts are necessary, then they should be communicated with contained emotions, in a straightforward, gentle manner. I wish people would see that too.

    Good to read that your eyes are open and hope you keep them open.

    anita

     

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