Dear Aiyana Henderson:

I am glad to read that your Covid-19 tests came back negative and I hope that you continue to keep yourself healthy and safe.

“I still don’t know to this day if my family is loving with flaws, or they’re low key toxic… someone was always upset about something. That’s why I wrote before about moving out.. I hate that leaving to move to Boston is the only way I can be truly happy”-

– First, congratulations for moving to Boston!

Second, regarding whether your family is “loving with flaws”- a loving parent does not express being upset in unnecessary ways. What I mean by it, is let’s say a mother is upset. Her face may show it, it’s automatic; her voice may sound upset, that’s automatic too. But a loving mother will take control over further expressions of her upset: she will resist the urge to yell, for example, or to go on and on and on about what upsets her, or to slam a door, etc., so to not unnecessarily upset her children.

anita

Dear Aiyana:

“I don’t do well with conflict.. because it drains my energy. I wish people would see that”- conflicts drain energy, distressing people, this is why we should avoid unnecessary conflicts, and when conflicts are necessary, then they should be communicated with contained emotions, in a straightforward, gentle manner. I wish people would see that too.

Good to read that your eyes are open and hope you keep them open.

anita