Sounds like you know what to do.

“I don’t know if I should really distance myself again to work on myself and strive for something better or if I should just keep up the communication in a friendly way and try to get over it the hard way.”

Actually, you do know. Because one of those is not really an option, is it? You can’t get over this tangled emotional mess if you’re constantly talking to him. He’s the father of your child, and some communication may be inevitable, but to be honest he doesn’t sound mature enough to be a parent. And the stuff he said to you while you were pregnant was horrible, by the way!

I think you need some distance here. You need to focus on yourself and your boy, on building a good life for the two of you and making room for someone who is ready to be a father to him and a partner to you. Wish you all the best.

Reading this post makes me think of my past where i was still a captive of my family of origin’s beliefs, ideas, dysfunction to say the leat….I married 2 alcoholics 1 was very abusive and a loser , would’t work, didn’t take responsibility, but in a way i thank him bc he is the experience that caused me to get into alanon and aca and coda, all 12 steps healing groups and i worked on ME…did worksheets galore on ME…NOBODY else….I cut out all non supportive relationships, told everyone i was geting into recovery and needed only supporters and i re-assessed my relationships and distanced myself from the non supporters, dumped the attackers…..what i am saying is until i got into self discovery through brutal honesty about how i got so dysfunctional, where i got my stinking thinking and my low self esteem and my “need” to be around other “fixer uppers” i would repeat same patterns …to create healthier patterns of thinking i had to go within and start within me…get to know and love ME…AS IS….NO returns…..assets and liabilities, unconditionally loving and accepting me AFTER i worked my self discovery worksheets, etc…..it was hard…undong all the mess my family had made of me, but I am doing it…..Now i am by myself, but if i did date a man, he would have to have a healthy self love/respect so he could share that with healthy/respecting others….Sounds like you did all you could to save this *unsavable* relationship, but this guy just does not “get it” hes a father and still hasn’t grown up enough himself to be responsible for him, let alone a wife/partner and child……

Clearly you can find someone who will love you and be there for you most of the time and not be codependent like this fellow seems to be…..If i were you, I would work on me, focus on me, focus on my boy and let this *sire* of the child GO….just detach……as the poster above me said “he blew it” 2x having sex wiht another would be a deal breaker for me…betrayal is the worst…..trust is earned, not given…break it and i am gone…the FIRST offense, I wold be gone b/c a cheater is a cheater and i don’t buy the drinking part…the “devil made me do it” just does not fly with me….studies have shown/proven that a cheater is a cheater a beater is a beater…alcohol only lowers inhibitions of a character pattern that is part of their make up or character….drinking didn’t make my husb. #2 a cheater or beater/abuser b/c it was not him…..my first X was a beater and abuser b/c it was his character, the drinking only brought it up to the surface…so dn’t buy into the “drinking caused it” he had a choice…now you got STDs to worry about….not just aids but herpes and forms of syphilis and gonorrhea that are resistant to treatment…..i wold never have intercourse with a cheater …its either ME or its “hit the road”…..i don’t share my guy…it is too dangerous, now, and not to mention, it is not something i have to do…plenty of nice guys who will be faithful and love to have a nice little family on which to build……take yourself out of the bargain basement and put you up in the jewelry case with the other gems…..this guy does not deserve you……….JUST saying