Dear TinyBuddha,

My fiance and I have been talking about plans for our future together before we get married.

With one subject, we seem to come to an impasse and that is what type of setting we would like to settle down in.

His dream is to get a house in the suburbs. My dream is to live in the city. I have lived in the suburbs my whole life and have found that atmosphere to be stifling. The amount of driving, the inability to walk to most stores, the lack of feeling of being connected to an area, and the isolation for me make suburbs something I do not enjoy. I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood and always had large houses. I also find this stifling. Not just the large empty rooms, but the amount of money it takes to upkeep. I understand that is not everyone’s experience. For me, I would liken it to a country girl, living in the city. She may know that others love the city, but she is always dreaming of the farm.

My fiance grew up poor in a Latin American country. He has always lived in the city and hates them. He wants a large house with a large yard and wants to live in the suburbs.

He has never lived in one before. I don’t want to take something away from him, but neither do I want to give up my own dream of moving away from the suburbs. When we talk about this subject, we never argue about it and we completely understand why the other has their opinion, so I don’t feel like it is a lack of communication or understanding. We just have different and very deeply felt views. I feel that we are hitting up against a wall that neither of us knows how to cross.

How have other couples been able to get past this wall. How do you reconcile two different and incompatible viewpoints? What can I do to listen more and not force any one of us to cave in?