Dear Tommy:

“Forgiveness? Nope. Karma will come fix that.”-

You seem to see life in a black-and-white way—where good choices lead to good outcomes, bad choices lead to bad ones, and suffering is a punishment for mistakes. Because of this, forgiving yourself might feel like escaping responsibility, as if it would make you irresponsible and undeserving of freedom from suffering.

But not all suffering comes from bad choices. Sometimes, pain just happens—a child doesn’t choose to be born into poverty or war, yet they suffer. Natural disasters don’t target people based on their actions—they simply occur. Grief, failure, rejection, loneliness—these happen to everyone, regardless of what they’ve done.

(This reminds me of the famous line from Unforgiven: “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”)

And pain isn’t just punishment—it can also be a source of growth. Hardship can lead to wisdom, resilience, and empathy.

Holding onto pain as proof that you’re a good, responsible person assumes suffering is always deserved. But in reality, pain is often just part of existing—not judgment, not karma, just life.

Maybe forgiveness isn’t about forgetting mistakes—maybe it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering.

Wishing you well, Anita

I hope you’re sleeping peacefully as I write this 😴💤🛏️🌙😌 ❤️

anita

You’re very welcome, Alessa, and no worries at all about any delay. I can only imagine how busy you are with your studies, exams, and the incredible dedication of being a mother—and that’s just two things! Your thoughts about your son are truly beautiful. Take care! ❤️

Anita

Dear Alessa:

I took a moment to meditate on one of your affirmations—”It’s okay to make mistakes.” That has always been a big one for me, too—fearing mistakes, believing that each one meant I was a bad, worthless person 😞.

Seeing you embrace these affirmations and truly feel their impact is such a powerful step. You deserve to believe in every word you wrote—they reflect your strength, growth, and capacity for self-love 😊❤️.

Anita

You ARE loved and valued, Alessa, you DO deserve good things.

And so am I. I am loved and valued, and I do deserve good things.

Neither one of us is worthless, unlovable, deserving bad things.

We are worthy, Alessa: we are lovable, we are deserving of good things..!!!

Anita

Dear Tommy:

Music speaks for us when our own words fall short. I think that’s what happened with the song you shared—it’s saying something your heart maybe didn’t know how to say out loud.

You’ve been through a lot in life, Tommy. What really stands out is how hard you are on yourself. You called yourself an idiot, said you should’ve done better, and talked about living with regret. Maybe being tough on yourself feels like the only honest way to be. But if that voice in your head just keeps beating you down, maybe it’s not helping—maybe it’s just wearing you out.

What if you didn’t have to keep punishing yourself to prove that you are a good person? What if letting go of the harshness isn’t weakness—it’s just making peace with.. you?

You don’t have to call it self-forgiveness. Maybe just call it rest.

You’re tired, and it makes sense. Maybe it’s time to stop carrying that weight of guilt for what you didn’t do, fear that it’s too late to change, and this idea that you should suffer for it—that showing yourself compassion would be letting yourself off the hook.

Punishing yourself hasn’t brought back the past. It hasn’t brought peace. It’s just made life heavier. Harder. Lonelier.

You don’t owe yourself perfection. You owe yourself a real chance at peace of mind. And that doesn’t come from holding onto guilt and regrets. It comes from facing things as they are and still choosing to live from here.

If nothing else, just know this: someone’s out here listening. No pressure to reply. Just wanted to let you know—you’re not alone in this.

Anita

Dear Tommy:

When the Sun Goes Down-

You don’t have to call it self-forgiveness—
Just call it a moment in space where your hands unclench
And no one asks for perfection.

The sun sets, sadness stretches long like shadows,
And still the moon shows up— quiet, soft-spoken, enough to see by.

You’ve named your regrets,
Held them like aged spots dotting your skin in the shape of the Big Dipper—
A kind of map, maybe, to something beyond punishment.

The dream may be gone.
But you, Tommy— you still burn like Arizona sky.
You still carry songs that say the things you can’t.

So let the music catch the fire for you.
Let the light in you be something you no longer run from.

You don’t owe yourself pain.
You owe yourself a little rest.
A little moonlight.
A little truth that doesn’t hurt to hold.

And hey, Tommy— just so you know, I like you. I’m on your side. And I hope one day, you’ll be on your side too. 🌙

—Anita (Monday, 6:45 pm my time, 9:45 pm your time)