As I said it didn’t exactly required an answer when I said I hope to tell more when I will come. But perhaps it could have pushed her ? It’s true that she took her decision when I offered to come to be there and support her. So I don’t know how she felt. Because seeing would be the opportunity for her to see my change at the time.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by damien.

Hello anita

Her visit is not for now. Her mother’s birthday is on august 24th. But I don’t know when she will go. It’s very important important for her she is already talking about it. She didn’t see her for 3 years.

But I think it’s good she share it and answer very fast, right ? For her, her family is extremely important. She repeately told me she misses her. I am happy she shared that with me. It will be her jubilee (50 Years). She lives in another region and it’s very difficult to go. She will also she her father and her sister.

I really don’t know how long she plan to be there. She will probably take some vacation. It will be for one week at least.

I didn’t want to wait too long to come. Because longer it it.

But since her mother’s birthday in 24th and my plan to see her was around 15th, I don’t know when she will go I need to know.

But what did you mean ”the part before” ?
It’s very important for her and I believe it counts she receive one supportive word when she will be.
I also know her mother and I think important and caring to not forget this date. And one funny thing is her birthday is same day as independence day of Ukraine !

Yes I will consider coming. It will be difficult because it will a lot of work. But we will have to find a time to speak.

She won’t be able answer straight away. Her answer or reconsideration will depends on what she sees, time she spends with me. And redevelop feelings after one year and a half. Because you requoted bolded is the consequence of what she were expecting/hoping.
I would like to show you in the next post some elements I prepared . I won’t tell everything but some ideas. Speaking from past, my mistakes etc. to present (what I am now) until futur (what I plan, objectives, fear..). And it could naturally move to OUR future.

I didn’t mentioned that I sent her a heartful letter where I told everything I had in my heart and what I regret.
I think it touched her because it’s from that moment more or less that we communicated everyday and rebuilt step by step complicity.
I hope to do the same in real which will be more meaningful and emotional I imagine. I just hope she will give me time for that.

These some elements I want to discuss. It can’t be a monologue but would hope I would have time. I would alternate about speaking on more relaxed things. Or I would tell I need to tell her things. If she would like to have a conversation ? It would be first time since letter. Even though we talked a bit by skype about that but was not the same. Don’t you think it’s bad to speak too much of past ? And maybe rather focus on present and future ? Again, it’s first time we might have a conversation. But remind past may bring her some bad memories but at the same time awareness of my mistakes and changes could sooth her.

I remember on several occasion when I was apologizing and taking responsability she said thank  you, that it was important for her.

Hello

You quite didn’t understand everything. Pretty difficult by distance I imagine. I don’t pursue anything. I will go there and feel how you we are together. But anyway this hard to explain. I will go and in anycase everything will be different compare to what expect or fear and what will be. Maybe my english is not well enough and you misinterpreted . But you tend to select some quotes of your choice and make your opinion without understanding the whole story. You don’t quote other ones.
She shared specifically with me about this anniversary because it’s important for her and this is care. If I would be that distant, I wouldn’t have reconnected after the break last year.

Once you suggest I should come once other not and once again other.. What was exposed was things from the past. And she believe in me and my changes. She just didn’t see them in person And we didn’t met since january 2020. Is it normal ? Even healthy couples could have issue with just texting for so long no see. Don’t you believe in other chances and working the best on ourselves to improve and be better in the future ? That may explain high divorces rates in our countries. So I don’t understand when you say ”I will hurt her again”. I know couples who are happy after they solved their problems.

I will go there. It was advices from friends knowing her. I just wanted to have different inputs how to deal the situation.

I won’t disturb you further. Anyway thanks for all suggestions you gave.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by damien.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by damien.

Hello teak

Thank you I will do that.
What I didn’t explain it was what I was jobless and did nothing to improve. In the head of a woman, it’s a strong sign of immaturity. And she felt no future possible. In last times of the relationship, she said she was worried about our future. And it’s also what she said in her last messages that she doesn’t see any future.

I changed that and I have now perspectives and then a future possible. With or without her. Because without a job even with the best relationship a future is impossible.  I think it’s a big deal when she’ll know that.

Yes I can talk about I would like to have a discussion with her. But I think also without the pression she feels I want to change her mind. And that I come only for that.
When she took her decision, I just said at the moment that I was disappointed because if she would see by herself she could at least make her opinion in person. But she thanked me for respecting her a choice.
It might indeed make a difference when we will meet in person after 1 year and a half and see by herself and being physically present. Because texting or even skype (that we did rarely) is definitively not the same.

I will tell her in advance and of course if she can’t or need time to prepare or think of course I will wait.

I will also respect her choice and boundaries. That’s why it’s also important to stay a bit distant. Not being in the indifference. But also not in demand. We will have discussion but she will also see by herself naturally in her mind. She will have an overall opinion at the end.