Dating: He got in touch 6 months after breaking off contact

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 29, 2016 at 3:45 pm #105928

Anonymous
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Dear inis:

This is a difficult situation for you. The worst choice on your part, I believe, would be to wait and wait… and wait for him to contact you. If I was you, I would contact him and ask to meet for coffee because you need to talk. At such a meeting ask him what is going on with him?

Ask him why he didn’t acknowledge you at the parade, if he is still dating (on and off, perhaps) the mother of his child… I would ask him if he is interested in a relationship with you- or not. I would hear his Yay or Nay and if Nay, i would give up on him.

It is not okay for him to casually get in and out of your life as he pleases.

Please do post again.

anita

May 29, 2016 at 11:04 pm #105957

Evan
Participant

Hi Inis,

My instinct here is he is playing with you. I am sorry if this hurts…….

If it is friends, then so be it – but do not cross the line into flirting, creating ‘alone time’ or allowing you to believe more exists.

If it is more to him – then he would not ignore you. After so many dates or get togethers, it is common courtesy to say hello or acknowledge you. That non-acknowledgement – unless previously agreed – reveals he is not true to his feelings, and to be done in a public arena…. makes no sense.

I would question the company of the person he was with, as he was willing to offend you, and disrespect you, for the person in his vicinity….

You deserve better already…….

Best

Evan

May 30, 2016 at 6:05 am #105975

Inky
Participant

Hi inis,

The non-acknowledgment would really bother me. If I were you I would have gone right up to his ex and said, “HI, I’m inis, a friend of (blank’s name)”. But that’s just me.

It sounds like you are the girl he can call when everyone else is busy or nothing else is going on.

Next time, don’t return his text or call. The second time he tries to contact you say you’re busy or make plans and then scrap them.

This isn’t revenge, it’s changing the script.

The third time (if there is one) say you can’t meet but you’re having a few people over if he’d like to join you. Then he’ll see you with your friends in the context of your awesome universe.

In the meantime, inis, move on to other people and adventures!

Best,

Inky

May 30, 2016 at 3:09 pm #106009

Libby
Participant

Great advice from everyone, especially Evan and Inky. This guy ignored you, you gave him another chance and he ignored you at the parade. I always believe in giving people a second chance, but not a third. If you welcome him back with open arms you are giving him permission to treat you badly from here on in! He might be great company, but his actions suggest his moral fibre is definately lacking. From day one in a friendship there should be respect. He has not shown you that. I wasted 25 years in a relationship like that – I am happy with a wonderful man now – but wish that I hadn’t waited so long!

May 30, 2016 at 9:51 pm #106039

Leora
Participant

When I read this, a very old saying popped into my head: “Faint heart never won fair lady.” Good relationships need enthusiasm, courtesy, and respect. He has shown none of these. What he has shown, is, as Libby pointed out, a lack of character. His actions are telling: this man started out ambivalent about a potential relationship with you, and over recent months has moved on to treating you disrespectfully. You don’t need a man like that in your life, even as an acquaintance.

Better things are coming for you. Keep looking for the connection.

October 22, 2016 at 6:01 pm #118721

Ina
Participant

I know it has been several months since I posted here. But I just wanted to thank you all for the great advice you all gave. I sent him a text asking him to meet me for coffee. My intention with that meeting was to get some answers. But as I suppose most of you would have known, he never replied. Not until months later and with some lame excuse. However, things took a funny turn when I went back to school to study a month back. There I befriended a girl and she is really nice and we get along great. She told me of this guy she’d met and the more she told about him the more I was convinced it was they guy I had been seeing. Then by accident she got a FB message on her phone from him when we were sitting next to each other and I saw that it was indeed him I’ve gotten over the fact that he ghosted me. Not worth my time or effort. But should I say something to this girl? She has told me she is falling in love with him. And as I said before she is really nice and doesn’t deserve what I got either.

October 22, 2016 at 7:17 pm #118726

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Ina:

I wouldn’t say anything at all to your friend. Your history with the man does not require a warning. If he was a con man who conned you out of money; if he physically or verbally abused you, name calling, yelling, intimidation, threats; if he was secretly married but hid it from you— I would share those things. Your experience with him doesn’t warrant a warning, in my opinion.

I am sorry you had such an unpleasant experience with him.

anita
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