Hello Valora,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I get all of your points. However, as much I try to focus on activities, hobbies and new people, nothing seems to work. At least for me. The one thing that helps is finding reasons to be angry, instead of sad. I know, anger is a bad habit, but then again I feel so fragile, it’s not the time I feel to fix everything within me. Just acceptance, that’s what I strive for.

The other thing that helps, it’s talking with my mom about it. And to strangers. And the say exactly the same as you, that I can do waaaayyy better than my ex. Meditating and “meeting” my dead grandma for advice is calming as well. Let’s hope there will be light by the end of the tunnel…

Namaste Anita,

As you can see then, progress is a hard thing for me. Most days I’m good though, and some just are a dark placs for me.

Absolutely that. I got a sweet taste, got addicted and now I “torture” myself for not having my “dose”. Ain’t it weird that although I’m in pain, I recognize the truth and yet continue to want a person that make me in a sense, a beggar?

We humans are so blinded by choice. It’s absurd. I wish from the bottom of the heart that this man and I shall meet one day, that he’ll give me all I need and want. But I do know, I have so much work to do on me. I wish to change. I’m struggling but I persevere. It’s all a matter of self worth I think. I think I want my ex because I beleive it is all I deserve. Sadly.

Anyway, in 2 days it’s his name day. Here in Greece  name days are like birthdays. We celebrate our names and the Saint we got it from. So last year on his name day and our 3rd date, it was the most amazing day of my life. He said that we’re a couple, he introduced me to his friends, was always dancing with me, hugging and kissing me. Showering me with love. Now, in 2 days, another girl will be in my place and that stinks like a thorn in ths heart.

Dear anita,

I’m sorry for not having responded to you or to any of these replies but, I had to take some time for myself, meditate and sort things out in my mind, try to get hold of my new beginning.

Re seeing the things you quoted from my first topic entry, I feel like that happened a loooooong time ago. Almost forgotten all the pain. And him. I am happy to say, I almost forgot about him and he passes through my mind occasionally now. And when he does, either I get angry (with myself for allowing this treatment upon me) or I make a fool out of him. I know these are not the most positive energies to have  but it’s a start at least. Tell me your opinion about it, you’re really wise I find.

So, after much determination, meditation, prayer and focusing on ME for the first time ever, I saw drastic results. I consulted with my family, dear friends and with a psychologist. I found out that I was feeling like a failure because I’m codependent. A people’s pleaser, a yes girl and non assertive at all. My therapist said that the fact I broke up with him and didn’t look back, that I stood my ground and didn’t beg, was the most assertive and independent thing a person who loves themselves can do. So he said, unconsciously my soul awakened me to this reality of who I want to be.

In conclusion, my ex was a narcissist. He was manipulating all my emotions and actions, silenced my mouth with the threat of breaking up. He would go cold every time I asked for the basics and treat me like an obedient subject. I wish him all the best, but I’m out for good.

Therapy, hobbies (for me it’s the gym), working and meeting friends was a great remedy for me. My overthinking has subsidized, I silenced the “b*tch” I had in my brain criticizing me ALL THE TIME, and bringing me down. I’m taking steps to overcome codependency, start saying no, stop caring so much about others opinions and feelings and becoming more selfish. Not in the negative meaning of those words, but just to be able to be me. Value me and my wants.

Anyway I’ll love to hear more from you! I’m so glad I’m writing now with more positive thoughts!! ?

Good evening Valora,

Sticking with the now and the present moment definitely helps. And it is as you said, sticking with the process and trusting it. It will pay off eventually. That’s why mantras, affirmations and prayers are prescribed to be repeated daily. It do this all the time. The fake it till you make it if you will. Brainwashing positively ones mind can change the whole life.

I’m empathizing with your break up. It’s not easy. But what is after all? Even gibing birth is painful, working out is painful, laughing uncontrollably is painful. So even positive things are painful. Life walks on an upright road, as the Greek poet Yiannis Ritsos said. Meaning tge struggles and determination needed to walk that upright road. But that’s how it is. I find acceptance helps a lot.