Dear Teak

thanks for your wishes

coming to your reply

– But first, let me say, I notice you didn’t want to tell him explicitly why you feel upset with him:

yes I didnt want to explicitly mention about those flirting or sexting because I , felt , he would easily shrug off owning up to it, instead he might simply say that “u were enjoying it as well , so you could have asked me to stop ”

so I rather , considered it to be better to point out things from his behavior because ,I know he isnt the kind of person who actually understands thats its not supposed to be a blame game, rather , its supposed to be him supporting me through this , taking responsibility for his part in this, to make sure we can be friends again once I am over this.

–He claims that he had too big expectations from you only once (was it when he got mad that you didn’t come on meet, btw?). And he says he didn’t feel you had too big expectations from him, except in a few occasions when he got annoyed (perhaps one being when you accused him of not letting you know that he’d be sleeping all day?).

yes you got it right Teak , these were the two instances specifically.

You again didn’t mention the real problem – his sexting, calling you bae, etc – but kept it vague. He responded by listing just one event where he sees how he possibly might have upset you, but other than that, nothing:

I wasnt sure my self if mentioning the sexting or calling bae thing is a legit point or not, since he could easily shrug it off saying, if you didnt want the flirting thing to happen you could have asked me to stop

I personally feel these things could only be mentioned to someone who is that mature , to understand how feelings for a person develope with small things over time, but he is someone who is all about himself , iguess, so mentioning these things, he ll try to make me feel guilty probably for not taking it lightly or so.

I really don’t know if you should spell out the concrete examples of his misbehavior, and explain that it’s not how one should treat their best friend unless they’re interested in them romantically

I personally think I shouldnt, it would lead no where in the matters of understanding, with a guy like that,because it was my fault that I trusted him so much, from the next time I should maybe be more careful with being that close to someone

the best is to cut contact with him, and not allow him to mislead you again

I would like to collectively answer to you and Anita on this , in my next post, since you both have dropped the same conclusion out of it

thanks a lot Anita for all your guidance and support.

You were like an elder sister to me during this entire time, advising me according to whats right for me

However difficult ,I ll surely stay in no contact with him,just like I have been since the past one month.

I believe , even I have learnt a lot of things throughout this ,about myself as well as on which basis and to what extent should we trust people with oneself.

Thanks Again Anita , for selflessly taking out your time and guiding me through this

I would like to say the same thing to Teak, both of you have been such a great support , exactly telling me what I needed to here always.

One thing I wasnt sure if I should

But I was thinking of writing him one last post , a peaceful one, telling errything i have in my heart, since the call ended on a bad note.

Just a peaceful note (which i ll obviously show you guys before posting to him)

But wil that be like a suicide mission?

Dear Teak

I dont know exactly what I want to tell him,(he has very well succeeded in gashlighting me tbh)

I keep replaying all the previous events in my head, trying to figure out if it was really me the reason for all this to happen, was he just being a good friend, because he cannot relate to a thing where I felt he was overdoing as a friend

I know you would say  that, the best thing for me is to leave these thoughts and runaway from him as far as possible.

But, maybe I just want him to know

That I genuinely cared abt him and still do, being just friends has nd is never been the real problem for me, but the fact that whther I should trust him with myself.

And I didnt make it clear in the call but I want to now, that forward on , he should not think that its me because of whom this interaction has been on hold. And talk to me for a resolve only when he is ready to stop being clueless and support me through this by taking responsibility for his miscommunication otherwise yes, he can very well expect that I am never coming back  , however much may he mean to me, I am not coming back and there is no way he can expect a resolve

But we can surely stay friendly for the club work, i dont want him to have any hard feelings there

Ugh i dont know what I want to tell him

But its so hard to stop thinking abt this now,

I keep replaying all thr scenes trying to know where did it all go wrong

You were hoping he has feelings for you, but doesn’t want to confess. I have to ask, just to make sure, did you confess it to him at that point? Does he know you have feelings for him?

yes I did exactly confess to him , so he does know about it you can be sure

-his answer to my confession , then, was , I never thought of us in this way, I am sorry its just been 5- 6months , I ll need atleast one year to even think about having another relationship .

(I feel , if I was really that close friend to him, then he would have let me know that’s how he feels about dating, but this had never come up from his side until then)

anyways

Ya I kind of couldnt believe it ,then, because I honestly , genuinely felt he had something, and I wouldnt just imagine that, I am not someone who does that, I think I would have backed off in the very beginning if he would have even slightly given me a hint.

but nonetheless , ya I dont know , what should I think now.,  this is kind of difficult to let go , of re-analyzing everything again and again.

I am someone pretty confident about myself, but I was so into not wanting to lose him, that I eventually began to feel obligated somewhere or the other, because I knew we were very different people , and I really thought that maybe I had begun to become too much for him now, which was so wrong to feel for oneself.

by different people I mean,

– background wise we r quite different

he is not very expressive and is more of workaholic because , in his family , they donot interact  very much , but I on the other hand belong in a family where we r too closely knit, and I can say that I am actually bonded to my family.So , he kind of doesnt relate to the attachement that I have with my sisters, how ,whenever she is around I kind of priortize hangouts with her, over anything else.

Once I asked him , who is he closest too at his home.(although he might havent thought so much before answering)

he said , “I am closest to the charging point of my house, what can you even expect lol”

anyways

also , I believe I have had a lot of trouble in the past figuring things out for myself , academically( I used to be a really good student and still am,but not as efficient as I used to be ,because I have stopped believing in myself somewhere, when it comes to toughtimes) , but during my entrance preparation , I have been through some tough times due to lack of resources( not financially but demographically or so)

( which I know he cannot relate to any extent) ,

so , that had affected me real bad, like I cannot mention how bad I am still in trauma due to that phase, half of my life problems exist because I am unable to let go of that fear, and take leaps of faith .

on the otherhand, he is an overachiever to say, he is very confident in himself when it comes to acads and getting things done, and he is very efficient.He doesnt have a lot of interests apart from studies, for eg, I am quite proficient in music ,dance as well as dramatics, so I have some part of my day alloted to that, and I am not as efficient as he is (which I think is normal)

so , he kind of didnt use to like it , when I used to keep some of my work hanging ,and he as a good friend , used to keep reminding me of getting it done(but I used to find it difficult to tell him , how anxious I am getting regarding the work, and am stuck somewhere , so avoiding it ,because I knew he would neither relate to it , nor have the empathy to understand, that I dont work in the same way, I take time in letting myself believe I can get it sorted or so).I used to find it difficult to even ask him to help me with it , because I felt, as though he might think I am dumb(which is I know, my problem, but i didnt know how to work around it)

So, its not that I donot put effort on myself thinking about this comparatively better quality of him, but I would feel better obviously if he understood how I work, and had some empathy.

ALSO,

after reading all this please dont suggest me therapy , because , I know my family would nt understand so its not possible

and I think if one really gives oneself time, they eventually do heal on there own