Hi Kamikaze-worm,

I’m not sure that I’m really understanding the nature of your problem.

Are you questioning how you feel about your wife?  On the one hand you say that you think the world of her and don’t want to lose her, on the other hand, you are questioning whether you still love her or not.  You want to be in bed cuddling up to her yet you don’t want to spend any real time with her.  You used to fight but now you’ve diverted your attention with hobbies and friends.

There are pressures in other directions of your life as well and this is all getting a bit much for you.

What this calls for is time-out.  I suggest that you have a few date nights with your wife.  Go out as a couple once a week and bring the romance back into your relationship.  Make this top priority.  Rediscover and reconnect with all the things that attracted you to each other in the first place.  Discuss how you can both alleviate some of the pressures that you currently feel.

If you think you need to, talk to someone about your bad sexual experience and why it has caused you to panic.  It’s difficult to comment further on this without knowing what happened.  It sounds as if you need lots of reassurance which, in your head at least, you want your wife to provide.  I think you need to open the door for communication to happen and talk to each other as calmly as you can about the state of your relationship.  You may need to seek some sort of relationship counselling initially to avoid the recurrence of the fights you used to have and to gain a greater insight into what has been happening to you both.

I hope you can work this out.

Peggy