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Confused and Heartbroken

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • March 17, 2017 at 6:30 pm #140419
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear pussycatlover:

    When you told him that you liked him and he “took it well”- what do you mean by him taking it well: what did he communicate to you?

    anita

    March 18, 2017 at 7:46 am #140469
    pussycatlover
    Participant

    He said that he was flattered and that was the end of it

    March 18, 2017 at 9:00 am #140473
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi pussycatlover,

    People like having sub-worlds where it’s like the other parts of their lives don’t exist for that one moment and place in time. The computer is perfect for this! So what you had WAS real ~ in the context of your website. If you met him IRL, what would that look like? He probably lives prohibitively far away, and I bet he’s fat, bald, old and/or unemployed ~ no matter what his profile pictures might “tell” you.

    Let it go or accept it at face value for what it is. There is a name for what you two are. They call it “friends”.

    Best,

    Inky

    March 18, 2017 at 9:39 am #140481
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear pussycatlover:

    As far as the guy is concerned, he was most likely flattered, and he was likely acting two ways: being… almost loyal to his partner (referring to her as a girlfriend at first, then wife) and at the same time being … almost flirtatious with you. I don’t think he thought of you strictly as a friend, an online friend, that is, but as a friend who likes him in a romantic way, which made him feel nice.

    On your part you spent a long, long time hoping and hanging on to his words in hope that something more promising will develop. I am thinking you are shy otherwise (?), meaning preferring this distant knowing-not-knowing back and forth with a guy to an in-person direct communication with a man?

    Does it feel safer online, like this experience has been for you?

    anita

    March 18, 2017 at 1:01 pm #140487
    Lacienaga
    Participant

    Hi pussycatlover,

    It isn’t wrong that you felt excited by building a connection with him. You’re human. You aren’t a fool. However, I notice you say how you “thought he just had a girlfriend” and that’s concerning in my opinion because as long as he is in a monogamous relationship, he is emotionally unavailable to you. In the future, it would be good to ask clear-cut questions and have better boundaries so that you know what is actually happening.

    In addition, as he said he was flattered – he had knowledge of how you felt but did not reciprocate in the way that you had hoped. He continued speaking to you and giving you details when really, he should have been upfront and let you know that he was not interested in pursuing you.

    I hope that you can heal well,

    Lacienaga

    March 18, 2017 at 2:13 pm #140509
    pussycatlover
    Participant

    Well, when he said that he had a girlfriend I did not say anything or do anything that would be misunderstood.In fact I kept my distance and I rarely communicated with HIM.It was HE who sent me messages.HE kept talking to me and inititating contact .I totally withdrew for a while.Then as he kept talking to me I became confused about his intentions.Yes it was wrong on my part to think that he liked me but I can’t switch off feelings.It isn’t easy

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