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confused about my subconscious motivation?

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  • June 29, 2016 at 12:03 am #108452
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hey guys 🙂 I’ve posted once before on this site in the relationship forum, and the reply there really helped me figure things out, so now I;m back with something else I would appreciate your thoughts on.
    As a child, I would often start a project with a lot of motivation and enthusiasm, feel like this was my calling, invest a lot of time and effort into it. It could be learning a new skill, starting a society whatever. My enthusiasm would fizzle out really quickly and I would walk away before having achieved anything tangible.
    Now as an adult, I have spent a number of years on a very expensive time consuming study path. This path was chosen because of parental pressure and not because it was what I wanted to do, but I did begin to enjoy some of the practical aspects of it while the time spent with my books was torture. For me to be successful in this path I would need to devote a significant number of years more to it and the thought of that fills me with dread. I have through volunteering discovered another career path that I am very passionate about, that is tied to my first career path, and I taking steps towards changing my career. I guess the thought bothering me right now is if I’m repeating that childhood pattern of giving up because the initial passion has fizzled out, and I am scared the same thing will happen with my new career path.
    I would really appreciate your take on this 🙂

    June 29, 2016 at 5:46 am #108459
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi shadeinthesummer,

    If you’re going for a degree, get that. It will be on your resume, and no one can take that away from you. For example, our daughter is majoring in Material Sciences only because more doors will open for her (that she would enjoy) than if she had another major. As you’ve seen, what you are doing has already led you to another path related to your first path.

    I say get the degree and do both.

    If you already have finished your studies, then follow the newer path. Seldom do we do what we’re trained to do, but we are often led through it to do what we will do.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 29, 2016 at 7:57 am #108466
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear shadeinthesummer:

    I would say it is best at this point to examine “that childhood pattern of giving up because the initial passion has fizzled out”- to learn more about this pattern, how it originated, why etc. Once you know more about the pattern, you will be able to be confident about how to proceed.

    If you’d like, can you think of the first time that you remember exhibiting this pattern, what motivated you, what discouraged you…?

    anita

    June 29, 2016 at 11:21 am #108497
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Inky! thanks so much for taking the time to reply! I have finished my studies, and both paths are work oriented. Path A is what I studied as well as what my family wants, its very intensive and will leave me with very little time to pursue other interests. I do enjoy some aspects of it. Path B gives me the chance to exercise some creativity along with the knowledge I gained from learning Path A. However, my experience with B is limited and I’m scared I’m only pursuing it because path A requires a bigger commitment than I’m ready to make at the moment ( I have been struggling with depression the past year and things in general seem less manageable). I don’t know to what extent that is impacting my decision.

    Hello Anita 🙂 good to hear from you! Yes please. I remember saving up for bikes and roller blades when I was a child and giving up after a day or two. It felt overwhelming so I would give up. My dad does struggle with anxiety among other things and was over cautious when I was young. As an adult I have been trying to unlearn that fear however.
    I would also become obsessed with a band, or an activity and then learn everything I could about it. I would talk about it until my friends and family were annoyed, I would dress like the people from that band or activity, all of the essays or stories I wrote in English class would be about them. Then the interest would fade or something new would come along and I would become obsessed with that instead. I don’t think it was anything negative about the first activity, just the second would be new and more exciting with things for me to discover. Well, there would be some negative because I would be saturated with it. I’m afraid this is whats happening now, Path A had been explored by me. Path B is new and therefore more tempting.
    On the other hand, I never wanted to do Path A but ended up choosing it out of fear of disappointing my family and learnt I enjoyed some parts of it. Path B has some creativity involved and my problem with path A when I was choosing a university was it not giving me the chance to use my creative side.
    Thanks for reading my long and very scattered post 🙂

    June 29, 2016 at 1:34 pm #108519
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear shadeinthesummer:

    It seems to me that you do tend to get overwhelmed with a long term project, when viewing it from the beginning steps and seeing how much more there is to go- that gets overwhelming. It is also true that some long term projects are not going to be a good match for you. In other words, just because you tend to get overwhelmed with a long term project, does not mean that every long term project is right for you to pursue. Path A is still, a long term project. But if it will allow you very little or no creativity and you yearn to be creative, then it is the wrong path for you whether you are anxious or not.

    So two ways to go about it: dealing with your anxiety, managing and maybe even healing it (!) and making wise choices.

    You’ve been depressed in the last year or so probably because the monotonous, non creativity nature of Path A is …well, depressing and it would be depressing for any creative person. Path A, supported by your family members, may suit their not-so creative nature but not you. Or it may seem the right path to them, but if they themselves pursued it, they could find themselves depressed as well.

    Regarding getting so involved with bands and such, that is not a commitment issue as I see it. It was a Distraction Issue. When you got kind of obsessed with a band, you got out of your head, so to speak. Like watching an exciting movie on screen, you forget your own anxiety, your own distress.

    Let me know what you think at this point, and we can continue to communicate here, if you’d like.

    anita

    June 29, 2016 at 1:37 pm #108522
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * did not record, testing…

    June 29, 2016 at 11:08 pm #108547
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I think you’re right. I start day dreaming about how I’ll be so good I’ll take part in Xtreme olympics for like bicycling then when I’m not that great at something the first time I try it I give up.
    I do think you’re right that there two separate reasons I’m reacting negatively to Path A, and one of them is valid. I think part of my depression also stems from having made decisions according to what others thought I should do for the past 12-13 yrs at least and setting what i wanted on the side completely. I’ve lost sight of who I am in the process and its sort of my brains way of calling attention to the fact that I need to stop and reevaluate things.
    I do think i turn to music and other activities as escape. I grew up in an abusive environment and it was easier to disconnect and create an artificial life in my head that centered around whatever i was into at that moment in time than to deal with what reality was like. I’ve carried that habit into adulthood and while I don’t do it as often if I am happy or entertained, I do do it most days. Anxiety is a significant problem for me, and over the years I have manifested it as not being able to stop throwing up (involuntarily), headaches and palpitations. I have fairly recently come to recognize all of these things as symptoms of my anxiety.
    Would love to hear how you think I should proceed in dealing with this anxiety and beginning healing.
    Best,
    m

    June 29, 2016 at 11:11 pm #108548
    greenshade
    Participant

    Also, I am sorry about the late reply. I think we’re operating on a bit of a time difference 🙂

    June 30, 2016 at 7:58 am #108590
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear shadeinthesummer:

    I would like to help you gain more insight into your significant anxiety for the purpose of doing what you can to heal. We are currently communicating on two threads. I will leave alone this one and continue on the other so to simplify our communication. So please write to me on the other thread.

    I will close my comment on this one with this: your “subconscious motivation” – I believe- is to be safe. This is what you need and want, I strongly believe. Daydreaming is a place you go for safety, a break from the ongoing anxiety.

    Something and/ or someone is threatening you at home, where you live with your father and mother. Your mother’s significant anger expressed at you is threatening and feeds your anxiety: it is bad for your mental health to live with an angry person, especially a person who is angry at you.

    anita

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