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Confused about my marriage…

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #102557
    AnneeW
    Participant

    Hello everyone.

    I am in a very difficult situation in my marriage. I met my husband 5 years ago and we’re married 2 years with 3 kids (1 from previous marriage). Things have been difficult from the beginning but when he suddenly proposed, I thaught it’s the best to do for us and the kids.
    I loved him dearly but this changed in the past months. He has generaly been very up and down with his mood and it’s mostly like walking on eggshels. Funny thing is that all “complains” I have about him, he too has about me. We really love each other and want to be together but can’t stop the fighting. It’s usually a few days good and then i’m already nervous when he will change again and either go back into his shell or just randomly blast at me. We always make new comittments and plans to change and improve ourself. I don’t blame him exclusively but we both know that most issues come from his behaviour.
    Our joint plan has been from the beginning to live in his homecountry. But both of us obviously wonder how it’s going to work, given we can’t have peace. In fact he has been away for the past month with our 2 little kids. This was mostly my doing, as he is there to organize things for our planned move.
    Now why I’m here:
    On thursday night when we talked on the phone, I reached the same old moment of telling him how I don’t feel a proper connection between us. It’s always the same topic, I know he’s trying but he has a huge ego and is full of pride. I basically voiced my feelings to him as calm as possible when he simply replied (again) “that he will never be the way I want him to be and in fact no man can be”…
    All I was trying for him to be connected with me more, make time for me and my needs as his wife. Anyway, during that talk on the phone I got very emotional and told him if that’s case then there is no point for him coming back here. his respons was arrogantly that I didn’t bring him to this country (we’re both immigrant here) so I can’t tell him anything… my point was obviously refering to this house/me. I hung up on him, wishing him the best and saying that’s enough for me. Later he just texted me Good Night, to which I replied I didn’t care. At that point is was clear that I can no longer be with him if all my feelings and demands for his care are so unrealistic and crazy to him. I ended up texting him how I felt and that I’m done with him and prefer to move on without him. He didn’t have anything proper to reply other than some cheesy things like: I love you, I miss you, You and I forever…. this to me didnt make any sense. Here I am telling my husband that I am done and he doesn’t even seem to get it?!
    Sorry this so long and a bit messed up but that’s the way it is right now.
    I do not want to lose our family and I’m scared of raising my 3 young kids alone in a country which I don’t like with no family.
    If I leave him, I lose my idea of family and my dream of living his his homecountry… It’s hard, I’m confused.

    Thank you to anyone taking the time to read and reply 🙂

    #102564
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear anneew:

    I am trying to understand your situation:

    You are currently in one country (country 1) where you and your husband immigrated to. You are now with your oldest child while your husband is in another country, his home country (Country 2) with your two youngest children, preparing a home for the two of you and the three children to live there, in Country 2. Am I correct so far?

    You are considering leaving him. This would mean that you will move to your home country (Country 3)? Will you be moving in with your parents? And will you be taking the three children with you? Will your husband let you take his two biological children (the younger two that are with him now)?

    anita

    #102578
    AnneeW
    Participant

    Hello Anita,
    Yes you got it all right. Only that I don’t want to go back to my home country. I only have my mother who herself lives somewhere else. That’s why I am thinking to just continue going to my husbands place and then decide what to do there. You see he’s a good guy but our marriage is one sided which sadens me… Thank you

    #102579
    AnneeW
    Participant

    Also about the children: yes he would not mind if their with me.

    #102590
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear anneew:

    So you are considering moving to Country 2 and living with your three children alone, while your husband lives in Country 2 as well, separately. And he is okay with this arrangement. As long as the home where your children live is a place of calm and safety for them, however it is accomplished is the right way. If it is calmer with him living elsewhere and participating in their lives that way, then that would be the right way to pursue.

    Please do post again with thoughts, feelings, difficulties, anything.

    anita

    #102622
    AnneeW
    Participant

    Thanks again Anita for your input.
    I guess what you wrote sounds good 😉
    He said we will try to find a solution for these ongoing issues once their back in about 2 weeks. In the meantime I will try to keep busy with what I enjoy and not think about it too much. I know I will be just fine, no matter the outcome.

    Thank you again for your help!
    Ann

    #102626
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ann:

    You are welcome. I hope you post again in about two weeks regarding his suggested solutions, and your own.

    anita

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