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- This topic has 9 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by B.
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May 5, 2015 at 12:45 pm #76201BParticipant
Hi all,
This is my first time on here and was directed by a friend to help me through my current situation. I’ll start from the beginning (seems logical) and then tell you how things are now, hopefully you can help me sort through my own feelings. I’m from Australia but was in the US for work at the start of this year. Through a series of completely random occurrences, I met a girl that I instantly fell for. We only had 24 hours to spend together before we had to part, but it was clear there was something there. We then spent an insane amount of time messaging and calling each other from that moment on and in the end, she came to visit me elsewhere on my trip a couple of weeks later. We spent the most amazing 4 days together – everything was perfect. We knew that we had hard times ahead when I went home, but we had a plan in place.
I went back to Australia and we continued to talk every day over Skype for 2-3 hours a day at least. The conversations were great, we would discuss our future together, how we would make it work, how much we missed each other, as well as all the random facts about our days. The complications began when someone she had previously had feelings for, but who had told her he wasn’t at all interested, decided to tell her that now he wanted to be with her. Not surprisingly, this came after she had told everyone about me and how happy she was (everyone always wants what they can’t have). This made things difficult for her, as they were close friends, and he spent all of their time together telling her to leave me and be with him. She was honest with me and we discussed it at length, but she repeatedly told me that she had moved on from him and wanted to be with me, that I had nothing to worry about. Everything was so fantastic, that after 6 weeks apart, I decided that I couldn’t be away from her any longer. I quit my job, packed up my things and moved to be with her. The first 48 hours was amazing, we were so happy to be together.
Then the stress of the situation started to get to her a little bit. She is finishing grad school and had insane time pressures on getting a thesis written, the other guy was making things exceptionally difficult for her and having just come to a completely new place where I didn’t know anyone else or have anything else to do, I was quite dependent on her. It made things really tough. After a week, it was clear that the pressure was starting to weigh her down. We made a plan that I would leave for a while to give her space while she finished her writing and then talk about everything after that. Since I have left, we haven’t really talked much – other than once on my birthday, which was a really nice chat (just like all of the chats we had while I was in Australia). To me, it is really clear that it was the situation that caused the problem and not anything to do with the relationship. She is moving in a bit over a month to a completely new city, where I will be based as well, and we will begin to start a life together, rather than me just intruding on her existing life. I think this will be perfect.
The question is – should I be worried that there is more to it than this? Is the fact it stressed her after a week a bad sign? The fact that we haven’t talked much since I left? I am crazy about this girl, I want to spend my life with her….
Help? Apologies for the long story!
May 6, 2015 at 5:18 am #76220InkyParticipantHi brickflipper,
Oh the poor girl! I’m sorry, but all she needed to do was devote 100% of her energies into that thesis. The last thing she needed was babysitting two guy’s feelings during that time!!
Listen, Long Distance relationships are hard.
Moving in together is hard.
Grad school is hard.
Why does it have to be hard? Any of it?
I suggest she has a relationship AFTER grad school and have her OWN place.
This way, you can actually enjoy yourselves!! Then, after a year or two with no drama, get married.
Just my opine!
Good Luck!
Inky
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
May 6, 2015 at 5:32 am #76223WillParticipantHm. It’s a bit of chrystal ball gazing, this one, but I’ll have a go. Her freaking out given the situation is understandable, and not necessarily a bad sign. You guys not talking since might be of some concern. It’s not clear to me whether you’ll be moving in together in this new city, or be separately based. I’d say it’s not a great idea to move in together, at this stage. Be around each other in a more normal situation for a longer while, so you can feel out how you’d be living together.
I’m afraid being crazy about someone isn’t necessarly a sign you’ll work well together. Hope, but don’t count on it.
I do hope things work out, and best of luck to you both.
May 6, 2015 at 8:13 am #76228BParticipantThank you – I think both of you have summed up exactly how I’m feeling about things, which is reassuring. I agree, having left the situation, I completely understand why things happened the way they did. I have no hard feelings towards her at all and actually think having gone through it has given me a greater appreciation of why I wanted to move overseas. I also agree that what we need to do now (if we get the chance) is try and have a normal relationship.
I was also thinking that we live separately in the new city, date for a while and then assuming that goes well we can think about moving in together and then if that goes well think about marriage…we went straight from step 1 to step 100 and that was never going to work.
May 6, 2015 at 7:27 pm #76314Ariane MichaudParticipantJust read this after you replied to my post! Yes, I see the similarities!
I can completely understand the stress that comes with the long-distance “leap”- but as you advised me, it IS worth trying…love is always worth it.
I like the idea of starting your life together in a neutral city- this has also been discussed with my partner as a possibility.
I think the benefit of that is that it eliminates the possibility of one partner resenting the other for taking them away from their foundation.
Good luck to you and keep us posted!May 6, 2015 at 7:29 pm #76316BParticipantLet me know if you want to chat Blondilocks – I find talking about these things to be really helpful (I guess that’s the point of these forums!), but if you wanted a more detailed conversation, I’d be happy to talk more. I’m still in my confused phase, any distraction would be much appreciated at the moment
May 6, 2015 at 7:30 pm #76317Ariane MichaudParticipantYes would love that!
I’m new to Tiny Buddha- is there a private chat option?May 6, 2015 at 7:42 pm #76318BParticipantNot that I know of – do you use Skype at all?
May 7, 2015 at 10:19 am #76366Ariane MichaudParticipantI do indeed!
I can add you if you send me your username 🙂
May 7, 2015 at 6:50 pm #76411BParticipantbrickflipper24
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