Dear Tiny Butterfly:

Good to read from you again. I re-read your posts since 2014. This is my understanding, at this point: there has been lots of anxiety and aggression in your home of origin, family members turning against each other, covertly and overtly: a brother, an aunt, a mother (by not stopping the aunt from bad mouthing you and telling you about what the aunt said, passing on to you her message that you are not doing enough for your mother). And your father had an affair and left. This ongoing history of aggression has been your normal, and so, I don’t know if you are aware of the extent of your aggression.

Your history with your ex boyfriend and your history of five years with the current one have also been filled with aggression. He is not the aggressive party while you are the passive one. The aggression is mutual and each one of you has been promoting it.

I do hope couple counseling will help the two of you to remove the aggression from your very turbulent five year relationship. I also hope that you limit your contact and involvement with family members that promote your aggression.

Your anxiety and aggression have been co-existing for a long time. Perhaps individual, quality therapy can help you, outside the couple therapy.

anita