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Childhood trauma lies beneath… and what lies beneath that?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • May 10, 2017 at 11:16 am #148901
    Suz
    Participant

    I have spent the last two years reading about adverse childhood experiences, going to therapy, and sharing at support groups about my learned helplessness and codependent relationships. I can draws line from a lot of my current compulsive behaviors and fear to an abusive childhood. Although I can weave in and out through all the painful memories and maladaptive patterns, by observing them without judgement and reminding myself of the source (childhood neglect and abuse), I wonder if I’m re-inflicting childhood trauma? I wonder at what point does narrating/observing a painful childhood becomes superfluous?

    I thought if I could break apart all my painful romantic relationships, feelings of loneliness, learned helplessness, and traumatic childhood memories … if I can break apart everything in itty bitty pieces then I’d have control over my pain and current fears. I understand why I am the way I am. I understand trauma is just a PART of me–not the entire me–but I’m having trouble figuring out what’s left?

    But what lies beneath the trauma? Perhaps I haven’t done enough grunt work in healing, but I’m feeling a bit … empty?

    Thank you all and appreciate the input.

    May 10, 2017 at 9:38 pm #148987
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hey Suz

    I have felt the way you are feeling right now in the past. Deconstructing the past is useful in that it helps you understand the present, in why we react to situations in the way we do. However, for me another part of recovery has been giving myself access to the “missed childhood”. This means creating situations for “play” whatever that means for you. Go to the beach, run around like crazy. Go to music festivals or games. Places where you can be loud and uninhibited (childlike) but its still socially acceptable.  Just try to create positive experiences for yourself based on the type of things you like. Those experiences will help you learn who you are in a “non traumatic” setting. They will also help develop confidence in self expression.

    Good luck!

    M

     

    May 12, 2017 at 4:47 am #149159
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Suz,

    I suggest working on the past once a week, and then letting your normal life for the rest of the week be its own healing. The more decades of normalcy and calmness you have, the more diluted the horribleness of your early beginning will be.

    Or, better, create a new “birthday”. Like, my Real Life begins “HERE”, the rest didn’t count. Kind of like a do-over.

    And I love the idea of creating the missed childhood! For me, that has been water parks! And comic cons! And Renaissance Festivals!

    Best,

    Inky

    May 12, 2017 at 9:52 am #149199
    Amanda
    Participant

    Now that you’ve “broken apart” the traumatic experiences of your childhood, maybe you can find a way to create the life you’ve always wanted.

    Has there been a hobby or a group that you’ve been part of consistently? Or maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to try, but never found the time/energy/resources. Now may be a time to rediscover who you are without emotional pain holding you back. You may even end up impressing yourself with your ability. 🙂

    Wishing you many blessings.

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