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Can't Stop Worrying About Parents

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  • July 20, 2017 at 6:05 am #159122
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Julie,

    This is my outlook coming as a parent with a rising Senior in college:

    Your parents managed to take care of themselves very well even long before you were born. Only they know about their true financial situation, their comfort with it and their stress level over it. For example you couldn’t imagine living on 50K a year. However, they’re so used it that it doesn’t faze them.

    They also have a mentality a lot of my peers do. Which is “So what else is the money for?” Of course they don’t want to worry you about paying for college. That is “their job” and believe it or not they are happy to do it! Once you are through school they can truly say “We were good parents”. So they’ll have debt, well, they won’t live forever, and it will be paid off whenever/however, they say to themselves.

    Now, your mother SHOULD see a doctor. The bumps on her legs could be nothing, you are not a doctor and you don’t know. The REAL question to ask her is “When was the last time you’ve had a checkup/mammogram/OBGYN check?” Talk to your father and he (or you if you’re bold) can make the appointments for her.

    You probably won’t have to take care of your parents for another twenty or thirty years. Please don’t worry about it now!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    July 21, 2017 at 6:31 am #159354
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Julie:

    Reads like your mother’s health is not good and your concern is realistic. It is also realistic to separate the things you, Julie, cannot change from the things you can change.

    You wrote that “every single day (you are) stressed to the max” and that you are afraid that you “will manage to give (yourself) a heart attack at this rate”- this item is possible for you to change. You wrote that you can’t help it, but it is possible if you learn and practice some skills.

    On the other hand, your mother’s obesity is within the category of what you cannot change. You already tried and failed. There is simply nothing you can do.

    Your father taking out loans, something you found out after the fact, you can’t change that either. But you were able to take out a loan yourself, instead of him taking yet another loan, perhaps. That was something you were able to make happen.

    The Serenity Prayer (and I don’t pray) states: “…Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    My you access the serenity that you need.

    anita

    August 19, 2019 at 8:43 pm #308647
    Mohit
    Participant

    Hey. I’m kind of in the same boat as you.

    I’m worried about my moms health too. I just wish she would listen to me when I hell her to drink more water, eat less sugar, and try to take care of herself.

    I always have to leave home because of my work 7 hours away from home, so I dont get to visit too often. Shes not too old or anything but sometimes she get weird symptoms like lightheadedness, dizziness, high blood pressure, and facial flushing all at once. Its happend like 4 times already.

    I feel like she knows she needs to see a doctor, but at the same time she just acts like it’s no big deal. I dont know man. I just want her to be ok.

    By the way, the advice those other two responses gave you is complete bullshit. They’re basically saying “just ignore it”. Like they dont have a worry in the world.

    Anyways is your mom doing better?

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