Hello all,

So I posted a month or so ago about indecision and whether or not my relationship is really right or truly what I want and well, I have since moved into a small studio flat on my own to have some space and create my own life in France where I have moved to (from the UK) but there’s so much tension in my body…

I have these feeling like a foreboding that ‘I’m just not right/me’…I don’t know if anyone has experienced this? Like you’re living your life but floating above your body? I do meditate and breathe to try to calm myself but I am so introspective that I want to understand everything, every sensation in the body, pain etc that it ends up being unhelpful. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t decide if it’s my heart saying ‘end this relationship and your life here in France and go home’ because it feels so difficult, or is that my mind?

Generally in the world we say if you don’t have peace then don’t do it or if it doesn’t feel easy then it’s not the right thing, but is that always true? I am reading Louise L Hay and she talks about blocked emotions causing illness etc etc and that just gets me thinking even more and creates more fear, I keep panicking thinking these depressed feelings will cause cancer or something. I just don’t know what the solution is…I feel like I’ve bullied myself into a corner where my only option is to leave, but if that’s what’s right I don’t feel ready, I love my boyfriend, but my mind seems to fire a thousand questions at me ‘is this what you want?’ ‘what about being young and free?’ ‘what about more sexual experience?’ but then is it possible to live in tension? Should we? Is it necessary in life to accept doubt and a feeling of being unsettled? Or will it make one ill/sick?

If my heart was telling me to leave, would it feel like such a bully?

Any comments and love appreciated! thank you xxx