The word that comes to mind reading your post is “duality”, the problem of dualism which has many forms and were we tend to think in terms of either or. The problem of dualism is related to the problem of opposites. In most wisdom traditions the overcoming and coming to terms with the problem of opposites leads to the realization of oneness with All and with that oneness compassion for all. Here’s the rub, even after that kind realization the question of how to engage with Life, engage with other remains.

“It is said that you can never hurt anyone, you can only hurt yourself.”

From intellectual and spiritual perspective there is truth in that.  Say you stubbed your toe tripping over cloths left on the floor as you got out of bed. You could decide it only hurt your body which will heal but not your experience of ‘self’. Or you could beat your self up for being so stupid for stubbing your toe, such an idiot…  (mind body dualism). Perhaps like most people you will do both, and maybe one being more spiritually skill full then the other. Either way a reasonable action will be to make a habit of keeping your cloths off the floor.

Your friend hurt you. An attribute of love is accountability and responsibility. If we never got to be held accountable nothing we are would matter and we would never learn anything. Engaging in life, engaging with your friend in the moment and addressing the experience is engaging in life. Address the wound and pick up the ‘clothes’ off the floor.

After maybe a time for reflection. What role did I play in the experience? Could I have handled the experience better, what did I learn, what should I work on…. Did I attract the experience by thoughtlessly “tossing my clothes” on the floor? Why would I do that… what does that say about me

Being hurt in relationship is of course much more difficult experience to see through. It wasn’t you who thoughtlessly tossed their cloths on the floor it was you partner… You stubbed your toe on their issues. The process remains the same. Work with your partner to address the problem and maybe, in time, reflect on what the experience is teaching  you.

I agree with Inky.  When the idea that we influence our reality becomes blaming oneself it becomes unskillful and a victim trope

Here is an allegory

Say there is a dark ally in your neighborhood in which many people have reported being robbed. One day you find yourself running late so decided to take the shortcut through the ally and you get robbed.

Some may argue that you should have know better, so the fault is yours. However, it is not a crime to walk down an ally it is a crime to assault and rob people. Love requires that those that robbed you be held accountable. The guilt is theirs.

On reflection asking yourself why you did what you did may prove helpful, maybe you discover a part of you likes danger or feels that you aren’t a good person and deserve to be hurt.   Those would be important realizations as you probably are at a unconscious level helping to creating those situations where such judgments will be verified.

That does mean you are to blame. When reflecting on the role we play in creating our reality, judgments are unskillful. The idea is to make conscious what is unconscious so that you might write a different script. Learn and do better or don’t, there is no blame. Maybe the next time you don’t walk down the ally maybe you do, this time with a bat… or maybe you engage the community to address the problem.