Dear Sammie,

you are most welcome!

It helped to know that he does not empathise and has no empathy. It’s funny because I remember now he has said before he lacks empathy and that his previous girlfriends have said he is insensitive. I mustn’t have thought much about it at the time because he was being so nice and the opposite with me.

Yeah, he was probably love-bombing you at that time, being sweet and charming. No wonder you didn’t suspect anything…

This has really helped. Yes, I shall rise above. This is time for me now. Time for new adventures and genuine connections.

I am happy to hear this! I hear the strength and determination in you. Yes, you’ve got this! The time has come…

So I meant he can’t get an ego boost because he is unable to put me down anymore

Great! You wouldn’t allow him to put you down, you would know how to stand up for yourself.

I don’t think he would risk the rejection. Also, given the state he left me in and some of his self awareness of being a bad guy (he is self deprecating sometimes) I would hope that he would know better and think “I’ve hurt her enough, I’m going to stay away” even if he did have the urge to reach out.

While I do believe he is a covert narcissist, he acknowledged he needed professional help which suggests some amount of self awareness. With this in mind, I feel I won’t hear from him again.

Yes, it’s possible that he has some awareness about how his behavior around your miscarriage was inexcusable. It also might be that your pregnancy came as a shock to him, him being “passionately against children”, and he doesn’t want to risk another such situation in his life. I don’t know. But you’re right, he might not be trying to contact you again.

This has helped greatly too. Thank you for helping me reframe my thoughts in this way. I will have more compassion for me.

Excellent! I am glad this reframing helped you realize you need to have compassion for yourself first.

So, for a happy end to the story: a met with a friend this week and we went climbing. I’ve not done this before and I had a great time.

I am so glad about your happy ending: the end of a sad story, and the beginning of a great new adventure! Yes, being alone for the first time in 21 years is a big deal. But you need this quality time with yourself, to discover yourself, to pamper yourself, to be nice to yourself.

I am rooting for you, Sammie. If you’d like to, you can check in from time to time and let us know how you’re doing.

I wish you all the best, and post anytime!

You are welcome, Sammie. Thank you for your good wishes and Godspeed to you too!

I will be happy to hear from you some time in the future. Have a great adventure! 🙂