Dear Dan:

It is your legal and moral right to break up with your boyfriend: there is no law or ethical instruction of any kind saying any woman must not break up with her boyfriend. You are not married to him, the two of you don’t have minor children together, you don’t even co- own property, or a pet.

You are free to break up with him. Do it honestly (tell him the truth) and respectfully. When you do that, you will be free from your obsession about breaking up with him.

anita

Dear Dan:

I re-read your posts and these are my thoughts this morning: I think that the problem is that you suffer from a disassociation from yourself that makes you.. a stranger to yourself. Here are your words indicating that when you are talking about yourself, it is as if you are talking to a stranger:

* In the following you are two people, one asking a question, and  the other answering it, the person answering the question is disconnected from the person asking the question:

“In an attempt to figure out my feelings, I asked myself ‘Why do I love him?’ which I responded, ‘I don’t'”.

“I also remember asking myself ‘why do I love my boyfriend’ and I responded that I didn’t.”

* In the following, there is a “voice inside”, or “an inner voice” that talks to you .. sort of out of nowhere, surprising you, interrupting you, two strangers: you and a voice:

“every time I think about it, a voice inside says I do love him”.

“every time I’m damn near ready to break up that inner voice interrupts me”.

“If I really didn’t like him though, wouldn’t I not have that inner voice telling me that I love him?”

“Maybe I should just ignore that inner voice”.

*  You are puzzled by why you do things, puzzled as if you are looking at a stranger, wondering why that other person is saying and doing this or that, what is her intent, is she lying, is she joking, etc.:

“I say that I don’t love him but I also say that I do”

“Or have I been lying to myself?”

“If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have been happy with him moving in right?”

“maybe I really am kidding myself”

“I’m trying to figure out why I stayed for as long as I did. I thought maybe I felt lonely or something, but I don’t have the answer really”.

The Mayo Clinic has this on Depersonalization-derealization disorder: “This involves an ongoing or episodic sense of detachment or being outside yourself- observing your actions, feelings, thoughts and self from a distance as though watching a movie (depersonalization).

Wikipedia in the history section of the entry on Depersonalization disorder reads: “Depersonalization was first used as a clinical term by Ludovic douglas in 1898 to refer to ‘a state in which there is the feeling or sensation that thoughts and acts elude the self and become strange; there is an alienation of personality- in other words a depersonalization'”.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by .