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Breakup Time?

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  • May 15, 2020 at 6:39 pm #355258
    Dan
    Participant

    Thank you. I’m sorry about what has happened to you though… I hope you can come at peace with your past…

     

    –

     

    The first thing that I think about though… isn’t that how I truly feel? Like sometimes the first thing I want to do is break up and tell him I don’t like him. It’s the first thing that comes to mind whenever I ask relationship questions. So I should go with that right? It doesn’t really explain any other feelings I’ve been experiencing though, like how I think the relationship is the beat ever. nd then this morning I was thinking about breaking up and i was like hes the one for me?

    May 15, 2020 at 6:47 pm #355262
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dan:

    It is your legal and moral right to break up with your boyfriend: there is no law or ethical instruction of any kind saying any woman must not break up with her boyfriend. You are not married to him, the two of you don’t have minor children together, you don’t even co- own property, or a pet.

    You are free to break up with him. Do it honestly (tell him the truth) and respectfully. When you do that, you will be free from your obsession about breaking up with him.

    anita

    May 15, 2020 at 8:56 pm #355274
    Dan
    Participant

    But I kinda don’t know why I want to break up with him… I think it’s because of fear but… does it matter why?

    May 15, 2020 at 8:59 pm #355278
    Dan
    Participant

    If I really didn’t like him though, wouldn’t I not have that inner voice telling me that I love him? Or have I been lying to myself? I couldn’t sworn I felt the sparks too at times… but maybe I’m just kidding myself?

    May 15, 2020 at 9:00 pm #355280
    Dan
    Participant

    I’m sorry, I’m just confused because what I want to do now doesn’t seem to align with what I have been doing in the relationship…

    May 15, 2020 at 9:04 pm #355282
    Dan
    Participant

    And well… he moved in actually… and I was excited. I was happy about him moving in and the thought still excites me. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have been happy about him moving in right? But I don’t know anymore… maybe I really am kidding myself.

    May 15, 2020 at 9:04 pm #355284
    Dan
    Participant

    Sorry about all of this. My feelings are just confusing me.

    May 16, 2020 at 12:03 am #355300
    Dan
    Participant

    Ok so here’s the problem… my boyfriend would have no where to go if I broke up with him… he’s basically living with me now after I gave him the ok to multiple times… this is all my fault… I made this situation so much worse for him but I don’t know, I just thought maybe I had some relationship anxiety and I needed to ignore or fight it…

    May 16, 2020 at 5:59 am #355328
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dan:

    Regarding your boyfriend living with you and having nowhere to go if you break up with him:  is he not working and unable to pay rent elsewhere, if you broke up with him?

    Another thing, you mentioned that you grew up without a mother and with an emotionally unavailable father: will you elaborate on that, share about your childhood experience? If you do, it will help me understand you better and maybe I will be able to offer you some helpful thoughts.

    anita

    May 16, 2020 at 9:28 am #355360
    Dan
    Participant

    He canceled his lease with his roommates and his roommates weren’t happy with him moving out so he burned some bridges there. He can’t move in with his parents because of his abusive brother. I fucked him up big time…

    My mother was just never there and my dad didn’t understand my mental illness.

    May 16, 2020 at 9:28 am #355362
    Dan
    Participant

    He didn’t believe it was real or that bad or whatever. He wasn’t supportive.

    May 16, 2020 at 9:30 am #355364
    Dan
    Participant

    I’m trying to figure out why I stayed for as long as I did. I thought maybe I felt lonely or something, but I don’t have an answer really…

    May 16, 2020 at 9:54 am #355368
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dan:

    “my dad didn’t understand my mental illness”- what mental illness are you referring to?

    If you choose to answer my question, please answer my question slowly and thoughtfully in one post, instead of rushing through a series of quick responses in multiple posts

    (I will be back to the computer in a few hours).

    anita

    May 16, 2020 at 11:28 am #355392
    Dan
    Participant

    I really don’t want to mention them, but I have a therapist and is on medication and all that. For the longest time, my dad didn’t want me on meds.

    May 16, 2020 at 5:17 pm #355422
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dan:

    Perhaps you should see the professional that prescribes you the medications you take and explain to him or her that you need more or better help. Maybe your medications need to be changed or adjusted. I hope you get more or better help from your therapist as well.

    anita

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