Dear Dan:

Growing up without a mother and with a father who wasn’t emotionally available is a very powerful experience in the life of a child. Some call our childhood years “the formative years” because our brains are formed during childhood. Our relationships with our parents are .. formed into our brains, and continue to be powerful in our lives as adults.

The fact that your relationship with your father is better now doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t a good relationship when it mattered most (during those formative years of childhood). The fact that you don’t think about your mother anymore, doesn’t mean that not having her around as a child is not affecting you now.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by .

Dear Dan:

When we get hurt in an early life close relationship, later on in life, we still want a close relationship with someone, but as we experience it, we get scared, so we run away from the very thing we need and want the most.

We run away emotionally before we physically run away. If we run away from something/ someone good- after the initial relief- we regret it.

anita

Dear Dan:

It’s good, that it all makes sense now. Do post again anytime you want to, and I will reply.

anita

Hi Dan,

I am going through something very very similar. It probably is more difficult for me because my bf is on the other side of the world. So we can’t be with each other physically.

I lost my father in my teens. I haven’t had a great relationship with my mother – too much friction, fights, not talking and the such – and she too is much better now, but the damage is kinda done. I am unable to be close to her, even though we live together.

I don’t really have any words of advice for you; I’m just posting this to let you know you aren’t alone.

Feel free to post anytime…