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Break Up

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  • This topic has 16 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Ravi.
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  • April 28, 2020 at 3:08 pm #351966
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    You are definitely not at fault for not fitting an astrology chart (Kundlis).

    What he told you (“you are the worst mistake of my life trust me”) is a very strong statement. Any idea what he meant by it (were you arguing with him before he said that, shaming him.. calling him names, anything like that)?

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:15 pm #351968
    Deblina
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I have never ever shamed him in any way. I have never called him names, even though he was rude to me since January , I never lost my cool. Yes I might have cried and nagged a bit for him to come back, for him to try talking to his parents, for him to take a stand for us but never abused him at all. When he blocked me for first couple times I could not take it and I used to feel sick to my stomach as if I was about to die and because I told him that it might have seemed that I was emotionally blackmailing him but all I said was the truth with utmost respect nothing more.

    April 28, 2020 at 3:30 pm #351972
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    Then I don’t see that you are guilty for the breakup.

    I am trying to figure out his anger behind that sentence, and I wonder if he was upset with you for having helped you financially for a long time, thinking that if he didn’t help you, he would have had more money for his Jan Vancouver move.  What do you think?

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:33 pm #351974
    Deblina
    Participant

    I have paid him back all his money, each single penny whatever I owed till date. I don’t know what could possibly be the reason.

    April 28, 2020 at 3:45 pm #351978
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    I am ready to answer your questions:

    “did I do something wrong?”- no.

    “Any of this is my fault?”- no.

    His anger probably has a lot to do with him moving to Vancouver, to his uncle’s and being in closer communication with his parents, being a subject of their ruling of his life.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:48 pm #351980
    Deblina
    Participant

    yes even my mum said that too. he is too frustrated and I had warned him about this before.

    Honestly, then if a man cannot take a stand about his own life let alone me then what’s he’s gonna do later on.

    A general question , don’t you think each individual should stand up for themselves and their partners too no matter what happens and try to fix things?

     

    April 28, 2020 at 3:58 pm #351982
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    His parents didn’t raise him to be an independent, strong man who  will take a stand against them. They raised him as an owned individual; they own him. He doesn’t like it that they own him, that’s why he is angry, but he feels too guilty to break away from them.

    So he obeyed them and directed his anger not at his owners, but at you.

    As to your question, each individual should stand up for themselves and their partner, yes. Problem is that his parents are his.. Partner. And they will allow him the woman that they want for him.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 4:04 pm #351984
    Deblina
    Participant

    you are so right Anita. I needed to hear this from somebody. My mum was right all this time.

    April 28, 2020 at 4:20 pm #351986
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    Your mother and I are right, but it will still hurt for some time, this breakup. Feel free to post here anytime, and I will be glad to reply to you.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 4:22 pm #351988
    Deblina
    Participant

    I will for sure . Thanks for the support!

    April 28, 2020 at 5:05 pm #352004
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Deblina.

    anita

    May 1, 2020 at 5:01 am #352464
    Ravi
    Participant

    Hi Deblina,

    I want to ask this community that did I do something wrong? Any of this is my fault?

    Have read your post…Answer is

    NO (have written it in bold and caps).

    Yes some parents are strict on kundli matching and the results. By the way have you ever checked that? You can also do it online. Was just curious to know the results as you said they turned back after the matching of kundlis. Maybe one is Manglik. Or maybe very low points needed to proceed further.

    If you have found even a little bit of peace with your situation then you do not need to reply back with your results or to go and check the kundlis. Maybe you can just move on. Its good that you have paid back all the money so you are now clear of any financial debts and karmic debts too.

     

     

     

    May 1, 2020 at 8:27 am #352486
    Deblina
    Participant

    Hi Ravi,

    Thanks for reading my post. I did see them myself online. And the results came as “unpreferable match , but many other aspects are positive so you can consult an astrologer and find out the right way to go forward with the alliance” fact is we both are Mangliks , thus the factor crosses off eventually. My mom personally went to our family astrologer and he said its not impossible, but his parents are so stubborn that once the points are low they are not ready to listen to anything and find out a solution.

    And to me this is very wrong. And Trust me I have tried my very best to convince them or even him to at least listen and try find out a solution but they didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself. I begged him almost everyday for two months and then each day my health was sinking. So I stopped eventually.

     

    May 1, 2020 at 9:07 pm #352574
    Ravi
    Participant

    Yes some parents or sometimes even the prospective groom is adamant about the kundli matching.

    “And to me this is very wrong.”

    I suggest you to NOT hold this kind of belief system. Because, it can happen again in a marriage situation or in some other situation. I’m saying about the fact that if something did not happen as per my beliefs then what the other person did is wrong. If you do not break this belief system then another situation would come to do exactly that.

    It requires deep compassion and understanding to break that belief.

    Meaning – everyone is always right from their level of consciousness. Meaning – if you had the same kind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, upbringing, life situations, parents as those parents then probably you would have done the same. Its a long complicated thing.

    “Trust me I have tried my very best to convince them or even him to at least listen and try find out a solution but they didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.” 

    This itself is a proof that you both are not destined together.

    “I begged him almost everyday for two months”

    I’m sure you know that true love does not require begging.

    Do move on, if you are able to. And if not then please do post here and the forum is always able to assist.

    tc.

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by Ravi.
    May 4, 2020 at 3:52 pm #353154
    Deblina
    Participant

    HI Ravi,

    When I wrote “And to me this is very wrong.” by that I meant of the fact that his parents are not ready to look into a solution even. I do respect their belief and even I agreed to that. But the only thing I was saying that at least you should also give a chance for listening to my perspective too. All I wanted him and his family was to atleast try finding out a solution which for a matter of fact there is. And to me only this part was wrong. Nothing more.

    And I know I didn’t have to try so hard. Why only me? even he should try to make it work through thick and thin. I have seen many of my friends who had family issues while getting married to the person that they love but eventually both the persons were dead strong enough to stand up for each other. Thats why today they are happily married , about to have kids. This is what saddens me the most that I wish he had stood up for us.

    Im trying my best to move on, hopefully I will.

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