My boyfriend has 3 roommates all with their own stuff that kinda bugs me except one who I like and is kind of amazing but it’s complicated. So it’s a two bedroom apartment so he and the amazing roommate, lets call him A, live in the same room. Now the issue is I live with my parents and 30 minutes away from him. In the beginning it wasn’t so bad because I worked near their place and would come over after shifts but I was fired a few months ago and ever since his roommates have gotten stricter on the rules. Now I stand in the firm designation of understanding I have no place to talk to his roommates about these things because I don’t pay rent and I don’t get to make decisions, I do express my feelings to my boyfriend and at first he didn’t understand why if I had the problem it was up to him to talk and I still sometimes feel like he doesn’t get it or he feels like I’m manipulating him. I swear I try really hard not to manipulate him and I tell him he’s allowed to do what he wants but it’s getting frustrating and I need to be able to talk to my boyfriend about everything but sometimes I feel I can’t because he’ll think I’m manipulative.

So at first they got a pull out couch and the rule was if A had to work he’d get the room and otherwise we’d get it. Now A is an interesting guy and one of the things about him is he’s extremely chill some of the first things I’ve heard about him are how much sex he has had and he talks about it (at this moment I feel inclined to mention he’s gay) things like orgies, getting in strangers cars, crazy stuff. So I’m also really chill about my body and at some point he’s like as long as you guys don’t have sex why don’t we both just sleep in the room. A month after that he walks in on me looking for a shirt only my top half and told my boyfriend that agreement was no longer okay. To be clear we didn’t have sex and In my defense it was 99 degrees and their too broke for AC plus heat rises and they live on the second floor. Now in his defense he’s not been having sex recently so it’s really just us and at the time I didn’t care, until a third roommate broke the pullout couch and theirs already issues among them that don’t include me and no one wants to buy a new one when the guy who broke it is having contributing problems. So now I have to drive 30 minutes there and the only way I can spend the night is if my boyfriend buys an air mattress which is kind of problematic too in blowing up putting down saying certain roommates can’t use it.

The issue has just gotten really problematic and is affecting our relationship to the point where I think my boyfriend and I are possibly going to have our first full-on fight and we’ve been dating 6 months. I was suggesting to ask about the possibility to A that I stay clothed and we all just sleep in the room. I also suggested that I found it sexist because society has deemed my chest private if it was vice versa and BF had seen a boy of A’s bare chested no one would  care and BF isn’t a prude but he’s seen nowhere near the amount that A has so I just feel like it’s not fair. My boyfriend just got really defensive and part of me just felt like it was my fault for not wearing a shirt, when neither of them were I mean it was hot I was tired if I knew it be this big I would’ve put on a sports bra. I mean the guy has had sex with two girls before so their not the first boobs he’s ever seen, why does he care so much? I keep hoping the problem will go away when the two of them move out and get a place with two rooms in 4 months but it’s a long time to wait and my boyfriend has a ton of off time coming up this week and both of us want to spend it together so bad we’re both really frustrated and we’re fighting because we both hate the problem and are angry there’s no easy solution and he’s super defensive to approach A for whatever reason. I just feel like why can’t my answer work, rather than the air mattress in their cramped living room where they come drunk and one likes to pass out on the floor multiple times a week.

I try to be objective and I know it’s a weird space so maybe I’m in the wrong here and I’m open to that but the whole situation sucks and I just wish their was an answer.