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Boyfriend flirted with an ex hookup

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Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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  • July 18, 2018 at 5:14 am #217421
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Giselle,

    If it is truly no big deal, then he should be able to delete her from Instagram or WhatsApp. Or even delete those apps(!). Or even grant you total access to his phone (!!). Of course the problem with that is it makes you look like a totally controlling person who is basically admitting out loud that There is a Problem in my Perfect Relationship! It’s humiliating to be undone by seemingly trivial communications. Since it’s not “even close to infidelity” YOU are now the one with the problem if you dare think it’s a problem! See how that works?

    Don’t let him gaslight you. Tell him that even his side-piece lost interest. Or, to heal the relationship, you could deluge him with hundreds of Instagram posts and WhatsApp communications that anyone else’s is quickly diluted.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 18, 2018 at 6:01 am #217433
    Giselle
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you so much for your response! He deleted their chats from Instagram and WhatsApp to show me it means nothing to him and that she doesn’t matter to him. Once I was next to him and he was browsing Instagram and her story randomly showed up. I was upset. And he said if it would make me feel better he would unfollow her altogether and he did. From the beginning we had each other’s phone passwords for convenience because we had no trust issues back then. And so I more or less have full access to his phone. But I don’t check it usually because it would be meaningless.

    I feel like a sixteen-year-old saying stuff like this. (I am 25 and he is 27 btw) I just want to move past this.

    Best,
    Giselle

    July 18, 2018 at 6:04 am #217435
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Giselle:

    I don’t agree with your boyfriend, that his flirting with an ex hookup is “so trivial”. There was a back and forth flirtatious communication with a woman, not one, but a few. Let’s say there was only one, he realized it was wrong and stopped, that would be one thing and maybe trivial. But he had time between the flirtatious communications to stop those, and he didn’t.

    But if he understands now that it was wrong on his part and that your feelings matter, he may very well not do this again.

    anita

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