Koans only work when there is an intense effort to find the answer to the unanswerable question. The Koan must be absorbed. Everything in the mind and then some. Then bursting from the efforts the answer comes. Do you have a teacher? Sangha? When one sits in silence and absolute stillness, the perception shifts. One is here in this moment and in the stillness. It can feel overwhelming. The two are different methods to arrive at the same point. Paradox indeed.
I have no desire to be liked or understood. And there are times that I am thin skinned and let out the most outrageous words. But, I do try to be civil (not evil). Don’t always succeed. But try. Shows why I do not have friends. I wish you all well.