Hi Lulu

It seems to me that your mom isn’t doing this to protect you from being hurt. She has no qualms with hurting you herself and actively repeatedly behaves in ways that hurts you.

The truth is that part of why she doesn’t like your boyfriend is because he exposed her gossiping about you to your ex-therapist. Something that she refuses to stop doing. Even though it is leading to you being bullied. She wants to pretend that the problem is your boyfriend instead of her own behaviour. By the way, it’s not even acceptable for a parent to gossip about a child with their therapist. Let alone for the therapist to talk to anyone else about it. I was in therapy as a child and my therapist was not allowed to talk to parents. This ex-therapist is really awful and actively enabling your mother who is behaving really inappropriately. Instead of standing up for you and protecting you. A good therapist would tell your mother that it’s not appropriate to talk about you with them.

Your boyfriend isn’t trying to hurt you. He’s trying to help you and you don’t have to spend time with his mom’s boyfriend when you spend time with your boyfriend. Your mom is the person who is actively being prejudiced right now.

I’m sorry that the situation with your mom is so tenuous. I know that all any kid wants is for their parent to love them. It is a shame that right now she is venting all of her pain at losing your sister onto you. You don’t deserve it one bit.

Stay strong and find solace in the people that are treating you right. You deserve love, support and comfort. ❤️

I’m so sorry that your mother is adding to your grief and making such a difficult time even harder. I hope that she realises all of the mistakes she is making soon and stops.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Lulu:

First and foremost, it’s clear that you care deeply about your family and about B, which puts you in a very difficult position. Your feelings of love, guilt, and fear are valid, and it’s okay to feel conflicted for now.

It’s important to recognize that your mother’s behavior is causing you distress. This isn’t fair to you, and it’s certainly not appropriate- not only for a therapist to gossip about a client with others- but also for a parent to gossip about one’s son or daughter. Also, when she called you a “pedophile”, and made inappropriate jokes about B being autistic, she was disrespectful and rude to you and to him. It’s unfortunate that your mom’s prejudices are affecting her view of B.

I’m sorry that the situation with your mother is so challenging right now. It’s natural to want love and support from your parent, and it’s painful when that’s not happening.

Stay strong and seek comfort from those who treat you with love and respect. You deserve to be surrounded by supportive and understanding people. Remember, it’s okay to seek professional help: a counselor or therapist can provide valuable support and guidance.

Ultimately, your well-being is the most important. Take things one step at a time and try to be kind to yourself. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay to ask for help and take care of yourself.

anita