Hi guys,

This girl I met in class a year and a half ago broke up with me two weeks ago. We are both in our early 20s. It wasn’t like an official relationship, so to speak, but imo it was definitely more than just friends. Now she broke it off with me and I am so lost and depressed. I really want her back in my life.

Maybe a bit background info: In the first year of our friendship, she was usually the one who initiated conversations (both in texts and in person) and she was mainly the one who asked me out to do stuff with her (she asked me out on her birthday without telling me that it was her birthday). Note: she was very quiet and quite introverted and had few friends (also not bothering to meet new people) so she really “went out of her way” to do all that. I didn’t have feelings for her back then and was acting cool but I could tell that she liked me quite a bit (eg. she remembered everything I said, looked at me admiringly, initiated physical contact with me (cuddling), always found random stuff to tell me, etc).

Then, back in June, I started to develop feelings for her. We were getting really close and saw each other quite often and we told each other stuff that we never told anyone else before. I really felt that spark between us and thought I found “the one.” In July, she had to go back to Asia for two months, and the week or two before she left, I started to hold hands with her, went on a few amazing dates, and on the day she flew, we kissed for like 5 minutes in my car. We continued to message/call/skype each other for about a month even though we were apart and everything was awesome on the surface.

Then, in early August, she messaged me out of the blue that she couldn’t do this anymore and she saw me only as a very good friend. I agreed and we didn’t talk much during the rest of the month. Then she came back and it was my turn to leave for Asia for a month. We went back to texting each other almost every day (only during the last week we texted infrequently). When I came back, I gave her a surprise at her workplace (she was doing a co-op placement job for a year) and she looked so depressed and exhausted and she tried to avoid me and push me away. We later talked it through, exchanged a few letters, and we became good friends again, maybe even better. We hung out like four times a week and texted each other every day. But then we started to have small arguments here and there (eg. I made a joke that she didn’t like, we had disagreements on random topics, I didn’t remember things that she’d told me, etc), and I was always the one who apologized in the end.

In December, she started to sound distant and cold. So I asked her if something was upsetting her and she denied it. She always said she was busy and started to make excuses not to see me. I didn’t stay cool (which I should’ve) and demanded her to tell me if something was up. She then told me she needed a break from me and I told her, Fine I would talk to you again in a week. We agreed to meet just before Christmas, and by then I realized I should’ve given her more space all along and stopped being so needy/clingy. We met and I apologized for my mistakes and asked for her forgiveness and she told me she couldn’t give me another chance because I made the same mistakes too many times and she wanted me to get my stuff back. I asked her what mistakes and she said you were the one who was supposed to find them out yourself. I knew I couldn’t convince her and agreed. A few days later I took my stuff back and I apologized for my mistakes once again and told her that I would work on myself and become a better person. I was crying and she was on the verge of tears.

Pardon me for the long story. I have been really sad and lost for two weeks now. I know we both have to let go. But because it was my first time having such an intimate relationship, I now felt so empty without her. I have a gut feeling that we are not over yet and we will meet again. I am working on myself now and I really hope that she would have the chance to see the new version of me in a few months. What should I do now? Should I check in with her once in a month? Should I ask her out or should I let her come to me? I am not thinking about being romantic with her anymore. I really miss her as a best friend.

Thanks, guys. Appreciate it if you could give me some advice.