Hi Roohi,

He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want you to think anything less of him. Was he having relationships with multiple women while he was getting to know you? All dating is is finding out if this is the person you want to be with forever. He finally found his Forever girl. You!

Now, if he sees someone on the side while you are married, you have some decisions to make.

Was he a player? It looks that way.

Is he currently a player (even only in his heart/character)? He’s not going to say anything (I really doubt it). Time to have these conversations.

Roohi,

Did he tell you before that he did not want to discuss his past with you, or did he let you believe that he had told you everything?

P.S. I removed the first part of my first post, as I thought it was unnecessary, but it seems you saw it anyway, and responded to it 🙂 I’ll add it back, so that other people can follow the thread as well.

P.P.S. I can’t seem to be able to edit it anymore. I guess it does not matter that much.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by The Ruminant.

Thanks Inky 🙂 🙂 and The Ruminant 🙂 🙂

Hey Roohi

I am so sorry for your suffering. I am not going to tell you what you need to do as you are on your journey and you need to learn some lessons before such incidents can be left behind. However, I will try to offer some clarity, which may assist in your decision making.

What does being a 33 year old LEO woman mean ? Is that how you identify yourself ? Are you superstitious and believe in zodiacs ? Just curious.

Look, I have no desire to hurt you or make things more difficult for you but there seems to be a huge conflict going on in your mind about the status of your recent marriage. From your post, I get a feeling that there is a definite lack of open and honest communication between the two of you and there may be some hidden secrets as well. Dishonesty, hiding things from spouse as you do not want to hurt them with your past or whatever other excuses we may like to come up with – these are simple recipes for a DISASTER waiting to happen. You can see the red flags everywhere, cant you ? Whether these are real red flags or perceived, either way, you are not at peace.

Can you take some time off and visit your family for a short holiday ? And you need to have a heart to heart talk with your hubby when you are in a safe place, OK !! Do not attempt to do this heart to heart without any backup friend or family support. Love and marriage should bring out the best in you and not put you through this esp if you have been married only for less than 6 months and you have a history of leaving a marriage after 1 month previously. There is a lot of self reflection and introspection, which needs to occur from your end once everything has settled. Life will keep throwing same challenge in a different disguise until you learn the valuable lesson. The lesson here as I envision it is – You are special and you do not need someone else to make you feel adequate or complete. Let go of the dependency.

I will offer prayers for you tonight and hope you will find peace that your soul seeks. Please be kind to yourself.

Jasmine

Roohi,

In addition to all the wonderful sentiments expressed by others, also consider that sometimes knowing the past doesn’t actually help the present. Such as, if you knew his past lovers, there may be unnecessary comparison between you and them. If the past is dead and gone for him, it may be a lot less “hiding” on his side, than simply “irrelevant”. Especially if he said he was alone for a long time, despite dating, perhaps none of the women you’re afraid of ever touched his heart in the same way. We can be alone in a room full of people, if we’re not connecting. Ya know?

Also consider that if he’s picking up on your fear of being right for him, he may shy away from certain topics. Much like he might not buy you flowers that make you sneeze. If you settle your fears, shed the allergies, then he won’t be afraid to buy you the difficult smelling ones. Said differently, when we aren’t afraid of our partner’s past, and don’t hold it against them in our heart, transparency is natural, easy.

Finally, its unneeded to fear that because he didn’t tell you all the women he sampled before finding you, it means he’s hiding. To be frank, women ask questions they don’t actually want the answers to sometimes. “What was your relationship to her?” is often really “would you tell me how much you love me?”. A tender touch, a gentle squeeze, fears melt. If the answer is direct such as “oh, wow, she was a real tomcat in the sack, and those boobs…. oh my gawd. But nuts, unstable, so we ended it, good riddance.” What would happen next for you? “Ah, thanks for sharing, dearest love” or “am I good enough? Are my boobs oh my gawd? Am I satisfying to him?” etc. You be surprised at how much flak men take sometimes for not sharing, when not sharing seems like the most skillful choice. Why sing to a flower the colors of another blossom, when a radiant beauty is already in front of us?

With warmth,
Matt