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Are There Good Men In This World?

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  • March 24, 2018 at 7:59 am #199197
    Asja
    Participant

    I always thought it will happend to whoever not to me…

    But now i am married and have wonderfull little daughter and my marriage is not what i was looking for…

    We all are not angels and has bad and good sides…

    I decided to break up with husband cause … he gets angry on me and nervous so hard and so often without a reason, or just on very easy not important things…say bad things and promise to hit me… i dont want to wait untill it happen.. and i think it is not normal to say rude things on whoever…

    March 24, 2018 at 8:14 am #199225
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Asja:

    Yes, there are good men in this world, of course there are.

    All boys and all girls are born good. Many boys and many girls become bad, or abusive, harmful to others repeatedly and without correction as they grow older, as they become adults and age.

    Protecting yourself and your little daughter from harm, from abuse, is the right thing for you to do, as a mother, a woman and a person.

    Are you living separately from your husband and planning a divorce?

    anita

    March 24, 2018 at 10:43 pm #199301
    Asja
    Participant

    Thank you Anita your words give me more confidence that itis not normal things..

    I live in my own house and husband live with us, many times i wanted to divorce and separate, but in a few days or a week everything goes back. This time after quorrel and all what happend with it i  gained strength and decided to separate finally, 3 days passed.. and he changes everyday and try to use arguments to make me change mind… start from making me guilty, and try to make my mind it all my fault and his behaviour is result of it… Yesterday he changed to soft manner and looks sad.

    I try not to forget all bad words and behaviour, and harm, try not to forget how bad this for growing little daughter…

    Oh i ask God for strength.

    March 25, 2018 at 2:29 am #199311
    Anonymous
    Guest

    testing

    March 25, 2018 at 3:33 am #199317
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Asja:

    You are welcome and I do hope that soon enough you will be comfortable, safe and comfortable.

    You wrote about your husband that he gets angry, “without a reason”, or following things that are not important, says bad, rude things to you, threatens to hit you. You wanted to separate and divorce many times before. Three days ago you made the decision to separate. Since then he argued with you, trying to make you feel guilty, blaming you for his behavior and then changed to a “soft manner and looks sad”.

    I suggest you proceed with the separation and arrange to live away from him as soon as possible, so to protect your daughter from the arguments and to no longer expose your daughter to his anger and to your resulting distress.

    I suggest you tell your (soon to be estranged) husband that you need to live separately from him and that you will be able to talk with him sensibly after the separation. Tell him you are too distressed to be able to calmly talk with him, and therefore you have to live with your daughter separately first, before any discussions.

    Do post again, anytime. I so would like to read that you and your daughter are safe and comfortable.

    anita

     

     

     

    March 25, 2018 at 7:08 am #199339
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Asja,

    Yes, there are good men in the world.

    That said, you staying with your husband isn’t working. That’s what you say, and it should be the only thing you say: “It’s not working”. At the very least get your own place and only meet with him in public. This will cut down on any nonsense. He should go to Anger Management for at least a year if he has any hope of one day working it out with you. This is non-negotiable.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    March 25, 2018 at 7:19 am #199341
    Asja
    Participant

    I took days off to calm down and fix my mind and senses, to come back to my self and feel my self normal and fix that in mind, again and again … normal relations is love and care, understanding and support, of course we all have hard periods and should go through it.

    Thank you very much, it is very important to hear a voice of mind in such a moment when you stopped realize where is good where is bad….

    I am not full recovered and don’t know how we will go further, finish or take a brake in relations ( even now writing this I shake on negative emotions, I know that would never end… just empty promises ) but today I feel much better and self confident. Thank you very much for assistance and right words in right moment.

    March 25, 2018 at 7:22 am #199345
    Asja
    Participant

    Thank you Inky!

    Understanding if that people around find it not normal to be aggressive helped me to shift from that point where I stucked cause of bad behavior of husband…

    he would never agree on anything cause too stubborn, we passed it before when daughter was not even a year.

    But thanks God, my eyes opened now … I pray they stay widely open and I don’t forget to be careful and never stay in such relations … again…

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Asja.
    March 25, 2018 at 8:25 am #199357
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Asja:

    You are welcome. It reads to me that there is no hope for a good relationship with him, not a reasonable hope anyway. I suggested to tell him that you will be able to talk with him after you live separately from him not because I believe you should reconsider then living with him again. I suggested it so perhaps to motivate him to lessen his pressure on you to talk now.

    And indeed, you will need to talk with him in the future, when separated, about the daughter you share, because unless he gives up his rights as a parent or unless you can take him to court and take away his rights, you will have to deal with him as a co parent. And so, there will be talking … after separating.

    Be strong and post here anytime.

    anita

     

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