I'm new to this forum, but I wanted to lay out my problem here because I am feeling extremely sad, disappointing and upset with myself. I am a fourth year undergraduate student hoping to someday complete my PhD and work as a professor. However, this summer I met some friends who were a very bad influence on me and I ended up doing cocaine and drinking 2-3 times per week for the entire summer. While I was engaging in this behavior, I told myself that it was no big deal and that I would stop before school started. Well, school starts tomorrow and I could not be feeling physically and mentally worse about my decision making this summer.
I feel like I do not deserve to accomplish my goal of being accepted into a good grad program and that I have damaged my brain and my ability to think. I do not know if that is actually true (the brain damage) but my anxiety over this whole thing is driving me crazy. I don't even know what i'm asking…I just want to forgive myself and move forward but I feel like such an idiot for acting the way that I have and it's ripping me apart 🙁
Today then is your first day in school, may it be a new beginning for you. The summer that just passed is still fresh, being so recent, but the longer you move ahead, the more distance you put between you and that past.
Pay attention today to the choices you make and choose thoughtfully according to what you value. Allow for imperfection but aim at not digressing too far from what is right for you.
Forgive yourself for yesterday by paying attention to what you do today. Place your focus on this moment, this day, where you are now.
I hope to read more from you about how the day went and otherwise.
This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
You're going to be fine. You haven't damaged your brain. You are probably feeling some anxiety due to these things being flushed out of your body and I know when I have used before, I got pretty anxious because the body craves more because it got used to it.
Take a deep breath, sit in the sunshine, drink lots of water, and let go of the guilt unless you caused other people harm (physically or emotionally). If you did, learn from it.