Am I overly sensitive or is he too critical? Tired of living together

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This topic has 21 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.

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August 3, 2021 at 12:30 pm #384048

DeJana
Participant

Dear TeaK,

I am astonished how good you see it! I have the same thoughts myself and a good friend of mine also has the opinion that I seek a man to guide me. Furthermore he finds that a lot of women he knows show this behavior. What do you think?

It took me time to understand the behavior of my parents and accept it. But I have gone very far since my old post. We have a quite good relationship now.
The problem was never that I was not able to wash the dishes correctly, but that my moms OCD was preventing her from getting help with the household. I am happy to say that she lets me or my father do the dishes nowadays, meaning that she heals.

And my parents concerns with studying medicine were appropriate. It is not that I am not intelligent enough, but there are other parts of my personality that not quite fit in those stressful work ethics. My parents saw it before I did. I don’t know if I will go this way if I could choose again, but to be honest, I probably will. And I believe that even in a strict environment like this there will somewhere be a Place for a DeJana 🙂 Soon to be found, hopefully!

I do agree with you that this is an unmet need

Thank you for your answer

August 3, 2021 at 1:01 pm #384051

Anonymous
Guest

Dear DeJana:

“May I ask, anita, are you a professional?… you don’t leave you posts with open question, but give your straightforward opinion, which I find untypical for a therapist“-

– I am not a professional and I am not a therapist. Even if I was a therapist (and I am not), these public forums are not an appropriate setting for therapy!

“do you know what the term for this in literature is called in English?”- I didn’t understand what you are referring to here (?)

anita

August 3, 2021 at 1:05 pm #384052
Tee
Participant
Dear DeJana,

you’re very welcome. It’s good to hear that you have a better relationship with your mother now, and that she is allowing you to wash the dishes or help with the household. So it wasn’t so much about you not being good enough in her eyes, but perhaps about her need to control her living space/her household, and through that, have some sense of control in her life?

There could be a similarity with your boyfriend, because he too suffers from obsessive behaviors. And most probably he too does it in an attempt to control his surroundings and that way, reduce his anxiety.

I have the same thoughts myself and a good friend of mine also has the opinion that I seek a man to guide me. Furthermore he finds that a lot of women he knows show this behavior. What do you think?

I think it depends also on the culture we are brought up in. In some cultures women are brought up to follow man’s guidance, in others not so much. It would be best if we could all learn (and be free) to follow our inner guidance, and make decisions based on that… We can ask mentors and coaches (and well-meaning family members and friends) for advice or opinion, but the final decision, specially in important issues in life, should come from within. At least that’s what I believe…

And my parents concerns with studying medicine were appropriate. It is not that I am not intelligent enough, but there are other parts of my personality that not quite fit in those stressful work ethics.

Are you still studying medicine? Do you see a possible field/specialization where your work wouldn’t be so very stressful?
- This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Tee.
August 3, 2021 at 1:14 pm #384055

DeJana
Participant

Dear anita,

I think it was a misunderstanding, I did never say that a forum could replace a therapy. I was just genuinely wondering, because for me it seems you use some professional methods. You are doing a lot for this community and your dedication shows you are a very kind-hearted person. Wish you all good in life!

DeJana

August 3, 2021 at 1:20 pm #384056

Anonymous
Guest

Dear DeJana:

I know that you didn’t say that a forum could replace therapy. I said it. Thank you, DeJana, for your kind words, I appreciate it, and I too wish you all good in life!

anita

August 3, 2021 at 2:44 pm #384064

Anonymous
Guest

Dear DeJana:

It just occurred to me, and it is very relevant to the topic of your thread: “Am I overly sensitive or is he too critical”-

In my recent post to you, I wrote: “Even if I was a therapist (and I am not), these public forums are not an appropriate setting for therapy!“, and you perceived it as criticism of you, defending yourself against the perceived criticism with: “I think it was a misunderstanding, I did never say that a forum could replace a therapy. I was just genuinely wondering..’-

– In the bold faced sentence, with an exclamation mark at the end, I intended to express that I strongly feel that no one should try to act as anyone’s therapist in these forums, no matter what formal certificates one holds. I didn’t mean to direct the sentence at you, or criticize you for anything at all.

By the way, I too am overly sensitive to criticism, and I know the struggle involved.

anita

September 23, 2021 at 7:43 am #386618

Anonymous
Guest

Dear DeJana:

How are you?

anita
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