Thanks you Prash!

I’ve had a eye opening evening, watching videos (yay YouTube!) about narcissistic and manipulative personalities.  And while I think he’s only  a mild one (narcissist and manipulative), most of the boxes are getting checked nevertheless.  I never gave him enough credit, for sure.  I couldn’t imagine him being such a person.  But the signs are  there.

I’m paraphrasing a bit the video I just watched about manipulative people (she’s talking about people falling “victims” to manipulative people as being usually more intelligent):

It is a paradox, people who think too much (that would definitely be me).  When you think too much, you ask yourself too many questions.  Doubt is indivisible from intelligence: not being able to conceive free malice.  Intelligent people are getting manipulated by their own intelligence, they question themselves, try to understand the other person.  But they are trying understand with criterion that are beyond the situation and beyond that other person, because they can’t fathom the stupideness of this malice can even exists.

No amount of talking, explaining my feelings.  Why I’m upset he did this or that, said this or that. None will ever make a difference.

I can’t explain the exhilaration I’m experiencing right now.  It is not me.  It was never me.