Thanks Ruminant @theruminant – I was missing your presence on TB and am so glad to see you back. Hope life is good. Read your earlier post to Dez – whats the talk about not being in the right frame of mind ? Wassup ?

Hey Inky

Thanks for your very interesting post and a thought provoking question.

First of all, I would like to make it clear that I am not a Buddhist nor do I follow any other religion. I know enough about each religion and none of them define me or my presence in this world. When I figured this out, it took a lot of the weight off my shoulders as I don’t have to follow anything as a prescription or be someone that society looks up to as role models. However, they are all teaching the same thing – love yourself and love others like yourself, yeah ? The love here is unconditional love and not the usual love we talk about.

Just to give you a little background to how my life started and what I have come to become. I was born into a family who is blessed in everyway and I got married into a family which is also blessed in every possible way. Excellent loving and spiritual parents, siblings, love, money, good values, education, many homes, many holidays, no debts etc. Everything anyone can wish for really. However, it took me a long time to realise the importance of each.

Thanks to my upbringing, I had achieved a lot at a very young age and done a lot of things that I wanted to do and then came a question one day – Who am I ? What am I doing ? Why am I doing all this and What is the purpose of it all ? What is more left to do ? Does life keep going on like this ? After spending some time reading about different religions and spirituality, I took up meditation and started to learn more about Who am I.

With increasing awareness, came along many spiritual teachers, who guided me along the path in a way that I could follow. However, being a rebel from a young age, this phase did not come without its own challenges. I was questioning everything and everyone. Then, came the realisation that, hey, what do I want ? I had no answer to this and thanks to the Universal consciousness, a divine soul found me who could answer this for me and wah lah, things have never been easier. I don’t feel the need to question anymore and every time I have a question, it gets answered even before I have to chuck it out into the Universe.

So what did I find and learn, which helped soothe my soul and awareness: We are all one. We are part of this higher consciousness and we are all looking for same things – Unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness. We are not necessarily here to get degrees after degrees, earn more money, build homes or collect as many diamonds as we can but rather to help this humanity out through the current times. We are the channels through which higher consciousness is trying to bring more light into this Planet. If we go with the flow of letting the higher consciousness carry out its divine tasks through us, everything will become easy for us and we will feel calm, content, peaceful and happy. Obstruct this mission and we will start acting through our lower self and lead a life of finite dimensions, which is often laden with miseries, poor health and lots of wants and desires.

Another way of looking at this is that everyone is playing a role in the film EARTH. When we go outside of our defined role, we start obstructing the flow of the movie. And how do we go about obstructing the flow: We do not show care and love for others, we forget to respect other actors (other earthlings) and we start to interfere with the script of other actors (other earthlings) by saying that they should act in the way that we want them to etc. Why do we do this ? Out of ignorance and arrogance. Our ignorance and arrogance starts to define each and every action of ours.

So coming back to your question: No, you are not being lazy but you are not going with the flow of your life or script either as if you were, you wouldn’t be asking this question :).

I will share my script here: I have a busy schedule with work, which never ends and family life but there are a few priorities in life that never take a back seat anymore. I:
– spend 1 hour doing meditation everyday and offering prayers for everyone;
– listen to positive lectures for an hour just before going to bed everyday;
– spend time entertaining my dogs everyday at least 2 times a day;
– also exercise 2-3 times a week doing cardio and weights;
– listen to the music that I just love for at least 30 mins everyday;
– spend some time with my hubby everyday talking and having meals together as schedule allows;
– make it a point to bring happiness or positivity to as many people as I can everyday – either as part of my work, in the park, TB forums, friends, family etc.
– run away in the opposite direction as soon as I realise that my positivity is endangered in presence of someone or something – this one takes a lot of practice.

These are my unnegotiable priorities.

Every thing else is negotiable but I do not rush through things anymore. I try to be in the moment and also make an effort to understand what the moment is trying to get me to learn. I don’t take feedback as criticism anymore and nor do I get upset if someone tries to ruin my day with their issues. I just try to look at everyone as if they are just another version of ME but in a different body trying to grow their awareness. If I make a commitment to someone, I fulfil it. If I cant fulfil it, I say NO. I never say YES at the spur of a moment anymore. I always think about my priorities first and then make a decision.

In simple terms: I usually have my plate half full only nowadays so that I can really enjoy every activity and people in my life. I am living my life as ME within my defined role and I cant tell you how good it feels 🙂

Hope this helps and is not off the tangent.

Cheers

J

Inky,

From a different angle, consider you may be experiencing a simple cycle. Run, rest, no biggie. Seeds sleep through the winter to be reborn in the spring when conditions are right. The real question becomes, how do you fair the winter? Often, when we’re running “blissed out” we become proud of ourselves, focused on flowing within our own desires, and can overlook others. This drains our numinous energy, like water emptying from a cup.

When the cup is empty, our winter feels restless, agitated. As though we don’t deserve rest, as though resting is lazy, self focus, and so forth. If this happens, consider spending more time “blessed out” and less “blessed out”. For instance, losing yourself in a good book, is fine and beautiful, but mostly about yourself – “blissed”. Losing yourself in making a meal for your family, helping others – “blessed”. When in balance, the cup doesn’t empty,and instead pours like a river. Then, winter is like a snuggly blanket that brings insight and rest.

Namaste, sister, may your cushion bring equanimity.

With warmth,
Matt

Inky,

Yes, zen style, pardon me. Its not your resume that makes you a good person, inky, you just are. Like an angel doesn’t need to prove her wings to share light, only to flap them and the light shines on its own.

The question “what does the universe want with me” is erroneous. Consider that the universe isn’t controlling you, doesn’t try to… rather,its responding to you. If winter is icky, too much self in the spring. Not “selfishness”, and especially not “inky is selfish”, rather “self considering”… fears usually, attachments to how it “should” look, elbowing your way in for their own good. That kind of thing. No judgment from outside, only dissonance inside.

Such a resonant caretaker needn’t fear! The heart grows wise over time, helping us wake up. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Inky,

Well said. For me, some is leaves in the forest, such as my focus is drawn elsewhere by my heart.

For the others,self nurturing is not indulgent. Giving to self, giving to others, its all the same. Its in the moment that it matters… heartcheck. Left or right? Which one glows to the heart?

Fish fall through the air when they forget they are birds. Where does god live? Why do people point up?

With warmth,
Matt