Home→Forums→Relationships→Am I crazy, or did I make the right choice?
- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 3 months ago by
Shelbyville.
-
AuthorPosts
-
January 16, 2019 at 10:52 am #274965
ShelbyvilleParticipantEnding it with him seems to be absolutely the right decision. He was not treating you with any respect. Nobody should stay with anyone who doesn’t respect them.
I know it hurts and you are sad. That’s completely normal, and it will hurt for a while, but it won’t hurt as bad forever. You deserve better. You deserve happiness, something your ex probably wouldn’t be able to contribute to.
January 16, 2019 at 12:59 pm #274997
KatieParticipantHi Sofioula,
You 100% made the right choice. Sounds like he treated you appallingly! He sounds very controlling and untrustworthy and you deserve better. I am also going through a break up right now so I know how painful it is and what your going through – but we will get through it and you are much better off without him.
Katie
January 16, 2019 at 1:11 pm #275003
AnonymousInactiveDear Shelbyville,
I’m so greatful for your answer. Truth is it’s not only what I wanted to hear, but also what my soul knew. And it’s a bif confirmation to ease the pain, getting the same opinion from strangers even! Thank you so much for your kind words and I wish you too the most amazing life and future!!!
January 16, 2019 at 1:14 pm #275007AnonymousInactiveHello Katie,
I’m deeply (and I mean it even though I don’t know you) for your heartache. Because we feel the same, I send you the most positive vibes and a big hug. We will get through this, I swear. It’s gonna get easier. We just have to acknowledge that we should love us. Ourselves. Thank you so much for reading my big topic, even though it’s only a quarter of what I lived.
January 16, 2019 at 1:38 pm #275015AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
Of course you made the right choice and I am glad you feel positive about the prospect of getting through this (“We will get through this, I swear”)-
but what about getting through this and learning from the experience so that you will be able to make a better choice of a man in the future?
Here is an opportunity to learn: Dec 2018, last month, you told him, “in 2 to 3 years I would be considering to start a family and get married” – with him (granted the two of you are in love and have steady jobs at that time). In other words you told him that you are interested in marrying him-
even though “All throughout our relationship he… would never take me home with his car, even though he knew I had to take 3 busses… he was not posting anything about us on social media, and his status was single… He never gave me a flower, even though he knew I loved them. He never called me on his own… Lastly, when I was very ill and at his place, he told me a flat out lie to avoid bringing me home with a car”-
– after those behaviors, it is not a good idea to still consider marriage with a man displaying these behaviors. When you meet a different man, in the future, pay attention to how he behaves and ask yourself: do I want a man who behaves in these way to be my husband? To be a father to my children?
For example: is a man who will not give me a ride when I am sick a good candidate to father children who will need a ride so to see a doctor?
anita
January 16, 2019 at 2:31 pm #275025AnonymousInactiveDear anita,
You’re absolutely correct in every aspect. That’s what the people around me that love me told me. What if he wanted to marry you but still the relationship was as bad as it was? And my blind, madly in love, foolish, selfless self would say yes, I would have married him still. Because he was my 1rst bf, my 1rst in general (you get the point), I let my vulnerability get the best of my judgment. To which I know, I had non. I think because I never knew better.
I think this process is maturing me. I spend all this time of the breakup consulting with dear and experienced people, read so many articles for self help and relationship management, watched countless videos etc. I started hitting the gym again, reztarting my hobbies, connecting with old friends, building a social life and advancing my career. Truth is now, I don’t want to marry him ever even if he wanted to.
My future children although non existent at this time, are the most holy thing, the epitome of my existence. So to your wise question I say, I would never choose a father for them as bad as him. Never.
Thank you immensely for your supportive reply. It mean a lot to me.
January 17, 2019 at 12:15 pm #275193
InkyParticipantHi Sofioula,
Congratulations for standing up for yourself! You made THE right decision!
He might try to contact you again. Don’t be afraid to ghost him. Of course, I myself, The Inky, couldn’t resist this conversation:
“I love you. What have you been up to?”
“Sorry! I was going to return your calls, but just came back from a long walk with my friend Brian three days ago. Don’t worry. He’s just a friend.”
“Can you come see me on these specific hours on Sunday morning?”
“No, sorry, I’m meeting Brian for coffee then.”
“Can you see me next Sunday on these specific hours?”
“Sorry, Brian’s taking me to a party to meet his friends.”
“On a Sunday morning?”
“Well he likes to drive me so I don’t have to take three buses anywhere, so no, I can’t ask him to drive me on Sunday.”
*He finally sees you at your place, only to find flowers from Brian*
To Brian!
Inky
January 17, 2019 at 12:21 pm #275201AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
Your recent post reads intelligent, wise and encouraging, to me, to see how you took this past experience as a learning opportunity. It is also encouraging to me that your “future children although non existent at this time, are the most holy thing” to you, and that you “would never choose a father for them as bad as him”. Meaning, I am sure, that you will choose a good father for them.
I hope you post again here and elsewhere, looking forward to read more from you.
anita
January 17, 2019 at 1:02 pm #275227ShelbyvilleParticipantI know it’s a very tough time, believe me. Im still trying to get through my own break up. But the strength of your conviction that you did what’s best for you will carry you a long way.
Continue having courage and I’m virtually sending you hugs and support!
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 