Just be careful that you don’t end up paying for medical school and then later he divorces you once he’s a doctor. Of course, it sounds like you may want that!

I don’t know how it “works”, but, is he actively a PHD student? From what I’ve seen being a med. student is all consuming! Everything and anything in life can be all consuming. A job. A baby. Being a student. Marriage. Keep in mind that you may still want to be in your current job as he starts his practice.

Are there any relatives to help with the baby?

Have you always felt this way or can it also be hormones? I remember I was terribly depressed the third trimester, with all my pregnancies. You hear about post-partum depression, but you can get depressed during pregnancy too.

Think of this as a phase in life. You may have to be a working mom for a few years. Think of it this way: You will, in turns, either be a working mom, a stay at home mom, a working empty nester or a retired empty nester. Each lifestyle comes with its own unique culture and hardships. Don’t put all of it on your husband! And if you divorce, it is so much easier when the child is an adult! It’s not worth the trouble at this point!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Emunah,

You have certainly done a lot and are mostly being reasonable. I say mostly because you need to address feelings of giving up on yourself. You need to do things to keep your spirit up. Focus on yourself. Get help if you are still having bad thoughts about going on in your life.

Second, a PhD can take 6-12 years and some never get done. My ex has yet to.
http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2010/04/18/education/edlife/18edlifephd-gr.html?ref=edlife

So, find out where he is in the process realistically. Unless he is in the final month of defending his dissertation – to be done, sounds like he needs to get a job to help you. Can he find work in his field? If not, something that earns income and maybe let’s him do homework.

Relationships need good communication. If he is shutting this off, tell him that’s not acceptable. He needs to work with you to meet your needs and the needs of your baby.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.