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age difference

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  • November 12, 2016 at 6:53 pm #120221
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay-me:

    My advice is that you tell him, in a patient and mature tone of voice, that you think he is not putting in the effort. Express to him your concerns in a non-clingy way. What you are afraid of: to sound impatient, immature and clingy- well don’t sound like these things but express everything you need to express, take care of your interests (and your child’s interests) in the context of the relationship. Don’t make yourself invisible, as if you don’t matter.

    The age difference itself does not seem like a problem to me. The problem is that he is so busy and unavailable and the other problem is that you’ve been afraid or uncomfortable to express your honest thoughts and feelings with him. Let him know who you are, what you need and want, and find out if you can be YOU and get your needs met with him, or not. You decide.

    anita

    November 12, 2016 at 9:38 pm #120230
    Jay-me
    Participant

    Dear anita
    Thank you very much for your advice. I have tried to express, and he keep on saying we will be fine, but we are being fine. Do I wait and see if we will be fine, do I just stop doing my part, do I just let go in early stage. I am confused, I like him a lot though. I would have like to have the meaningful relationship with him. I am also afraid what if I am gonna hold on to a relationship that is going to be ” cold” later as it shows the signs right now.maybe I am reading too much to it.

    November 13, 2016 at 5:45 am #120244
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jay-me,

    As a person in a marriage with a vast age difference I can tell you two things:

    1. Differences in age only matter when you’re very young or very old.

    2. It sounds like this particular guy is too busy or scattered to be in any relationship.

    You need to tell him that you are not his safe, default girlfriend. That he needs to step up his game with a text, dam it!

    You deserve a phone call. I think that is a meme actually. #youdeserveaphonecall

    Best,

    Inky

    November 13, 2016 at 11:53 am #120272
    Jay-me
    Participant

    Hi inky

    Thank you a lot, I agree 100% I deserve a phone call, or some quality time. He must decide if he s in or out, because he cannot be making me wondering, waiting on him to show up to our “relationship”. I decided to stay away, he will come whenever he is ready and wanting to put effort. I am giving him that condition. I may like him, but I am not gonna give my self away in the process. We have to meet each other half way.

    November 13, 2016 at 12:29 pm #120274
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay-me:

    In your note to me you wrote: “he keep on saying we will be fine”

    Two things:

    1. He shouldn’t speak for you. He can say: I will be fine, not WE will be fine.

    2. He can’t predict the future, not even his own. He can’t tell the future. He may be fine or he may not.

    Do not let him speak for you- your brain is there for your use, for your thinking, for your figuring things out-do not give him your brain’s job- it is YOUR brain that is best equipped (with your life experiences, your feelings) to figure out what is fine by you. Not his.

    anita

    November 14, 2016 at 11:57 am #120385
    Jay-me
    Participant

    Hi anita
    I would like to thank you, I wish I knew this forums from way back, I believe I could have made better choices and had peace of mind. I am glad to have found this side, where I can freely express myself with no judgments. I also thank you Inky, I believe its a second chance for me to connect and make better choices.
    Lots of love
    Jay-me

    November 14, 2016 at 12:30 pm #120394
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, jay-me. Please do post, anytime.
    anita

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