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After all this time it still bothers me, why can’t I forgive him?

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→After all this time it still bothers me, why can’t I forgive him?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • March 31, 2015 at 9:41 am #74717
    BellyButton
    Participant

    I have been with my boyfriend a year and a half. We started out a little rocky.

    We dated a little bit and he pushed me away. I called quits after a few weeks. We were spend a lot of time together, I gave him my full attention and he didn’t seem to appreciate it. I felt so stupid, embarrassed, unworthy, and upset for falling so hard for him. I felt like he tricked me. I told him I couldn’t be involved with someone who didn’t seem to want the same thing out of a relationship. He accepted that and we didn’t talk for a while.

    We ended up running into each other later on and spent the evening chatting. He seemed very willing to take things to the next level and asked me to be his girlfriend shortly after we started hanging out again. Things have been good, like any relationship it has its ups and downs but there is this part of me that always resents him for how we started off. I always wonder what made him push me away and if it will happen again. Though I have a lot of proof things are fine, I still can’t get over it! I obsess over how he made me feel when we first dated and how careless he was with me. He has changed so much but I still worry there is something wrong. How do I get past this?

    April 1, 2015 at 6:05 am #74736
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi BellyButton,

    I think two things have to happen here:

    1. He has to fully “Get” what happened, what he did (didn’t do) and how it made you feel

    2. He has to completely apologize and treat you like a queen. You want him to make up for it!

    He hurt your pride. That’s all. You want reassurance that you are loved and adored. You hated his attitude. You wanted to be pursued and his face light up when he saw you.

    Unless he had said something really hurtful, I would chalk it up to past immaturity. The problem is, you want a fairy tale to tell about when you look back on your relationship. No one wants to say, “Well, kids, dad basically ignored me. But later he came to his senses and I pretended to be swept off my feet.”

    The question is: How does he treat you now?

    Can you say: “Honey, I want a do-over. Hi. I’m BellyButton. What’s your name? Oh, flowers! How nice.” Revisionist History!

    April 1, 2015 at 12:54 pm #74758
    BellyButton
    Participant

    He gets what happened and has apologized. Whenever we started dating again he was totally different, it should be a good thing but I worry he will someday drop the ball and want out. Out initial phase left me feeling highly insecure. I wish I could erase these feelings and realize everything is fine now but I can’t seem to shake it.

    April 4, 2015 at 4:24 am #74864
    Will
    Participant

    Before you tackle the challenge of loving this dude, maybe you could try to be a little nicer to yourself. “I wish I could erase these feelings”? Would you go around erasing other people’s feelings? This is emotionally violent towards yourself. You feel how you feel. As long as you’re telling yourself how you should be feeling instead of dealing honestly with the feelings you have, your feelings will continue to undermine and sabotage you. And why would they not? You’re at war with them.

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