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Advice Please! I will also try to help you!

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  • July 5, 2015 at 2:34 pm #79325
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear El:
    You wrote that on two different occasions your then ex boyfriend talked to your mother and she in turn talked you into having contact with him. Can you explain why your mother talked you into having contact with him? What was her motivation? Why did she say that she believed you should have contact with him?
    anita

    July 6, 2015 at 1:52 pm #79381
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi El,

    Oh my. So much. TOO much!

    You know, there is a reason why people are called Highschool Sweethearts. It’s because that was in high school. And you were sweethearts. WERE. In HS he didn’t know you’d come down with mental health issues (NO judgment here! NONE!) and you didn’t know he’d become a drug dealer who played mind games. You outgrew each other. It’s as simple as that. And you are both trying to fit into old shoes that’s you’ve outgrown. What was once comfortable and everyday became old, shabby and painful.

    What I would do is switch cell phone numbers, tell your mother you’re not talking to him, stay off social media and live your NEW life to the fullest! Live as a college aged girl ~ and have fun!!

    If you want to be “fair” tell him through text before you switch off your number that it’s getting old, and that you are going on vacation and you wish him well. Then, LEAVE! Travel or visit friends or relatives. Get some wind in your hair for perspective and to forget him before you come back.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 8, 2015 at 12:15 am #79486
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello El 🙂 It looks like you’re trying to hold on to your past relationship because the pain of letting it go completely is worse than enduring the pain of it now. I remember having a friend who was in an abusive relationship, who reasoned that she endured 90 percent of the pain just to taste the 10 percent of the good times.

    I know it seems easier to keep him in your life, but for people like him who manipulate and trick others, it’s usually best to cut all ties. Like Inky said, if you want to be fair, you can tell him before doing it. To add to what Inky said, it is important that you do not wait for his reply. It will just give him the opportunity to drive you paranoid, whether by responding with sweet talk or not responding at all.

    He doesn’t control you anymore, so don’t let him by giving him the opportunity to take hold of your mind. The best way to stop being paranoid about not hearing from him, is to stop hearing from him at all. That way, he can no longer drive you mad with the suspense.

    I believe you already know what is best for you, like all the wonderful things you said you’ve been doing lately. That’s a wonderful way to love yourself. Keep doing more of the things you love, and free yourself from anything that’s keeping you from being happy. I wish you bright days to come. Stay strong and choose to be happy, El 🙂

    July 25, 2015 at 8:29 pm #80433
    Teresa
    Participant

    Hi El,

    It sounds like he & your Mom play mind games and you let them control you.
    Get as far away from him as possible. He knows what buttons to push and how to manipulate you to get what he wants.
    That’s not true love. Yes the pain of separation is like mourning a death. Yet, being alone is a lot easier than being with someone that makes uncomfortable. I believe you know your answer. It’s just the pain of letting go.
    Wish you the best,

    Crazz

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