Thanks Mark, and we already did that and it has worked out. I feel that if she is going to be around my son she would try to be friendly with me. As for her parenting my son. My ex and I agreed she is not to parent him. We set ground rules and we both put our input into it. I know i have no say in their relationship and I am not trying too. I just do not know her and I do not trust. She knowingly went into a relationship with a person while he was in a relationship and had a son. I just dont trust her as a person to be around my son. I think if i sat down and got to know her this whole situation with her being around my son everytime he is with his father put my mind at ease. But when I bring this up to my ex that i want to get to know her he gets defensive and rude. See he brought our son around her without my knowledge my son told me. And i flipped out on him. I felt that was disrespectful we should have talked about it first. Thats when we came up with ground rules.

Anita that is a great idea. I will try that. I get where that makes both of them nervous. And i am willing to meet with them both. I have been asking about this since i found out about her being around my son without my knowledge. He keeps delaying it or saying I am just trying to intimidate her. I have never done anything towards her. I think hes afraid of anything coming out about our past. Which i would never bring up it doesn’t have anything to do with our son. He tries to keep away from her and almost like hides her. But i will try to have us all sit down and talk!

Thanks Anita. I just want clarity. Her actions towards me and from what I seen and heard from my son is she doesnt play or talk to him when she is around. It baffles me. You are with someone who has a child. You should be forming a relationship with that child. That is my feeling. And definetly for some sort of relationship with the mom. The past is the past. Yes i feel what they both did completely wrong, but this situation isnt really about me. Its about my son. I just want to discuss the importance of both parties being able to be on friendly terms for my son. He deserves both parents involved in his life. And if significant others are involved they are also role models. I guess i will have to wait and see if he agrees to my meeting. I asked him today if we could go for coffee all 3 of us and lay out some issues and hopefully make it comfortable for all involved. I hope he agrees. I just have to collect my thoughts and what i want to say and maybe write them down

We shall see what he says he said he will ask her to meet. I have doubt that she will. I told him i do not wish to make this situation ugly. My intent is to make sure my son is good. And I know the person who is coming around him. There is so much I’d love to say to her but she is not worth my breath or time. Her negative actions don’t break me down. At one point both of them destroyed my world. And as much as I’d love to give her a piece of my mind. It is not worth it. I am better than that. I want to ask her how she views my son. And how can she be a positive influence in his life. As well as lay ground rules. That way all parties involved can be on the same page. As well as lesson the tension. I fully understand I can be a little intimidating but that is not my goal. I have so many thoughts running in my head on how to talk to her. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn’t need another mom and i do not want her acting as his parent. I always thought or imagined if him and i ended we would work through everything and eventually be comfortable enough to have a blended family with our significant others. I also want to mention him needing to meet my boyfriend. He refuses to meet him stating he trusts my judgement. I think its important for them to meet. And my boyfriend wants to meet him. I think its important that everyone involved should be on civil terms!

I tried to suggest that. He refused and said she is a huge part of his life now and whats her around his son. My boyfriend and I i just recently introduced him after things started to get serious. I wanted my ex to meet him before my son ever did and he simply stated he doesn’t care. I waited another month before introducing my son to him and they only been around each other for maybe handful of times if that. I want my dating life private from my son unless things are Getting serious. My boyfriend wont move in unless we are married. That is my ground rule. We met each others family prior to him meeting my son. As for my ex. I have no idea he is secretive. He doesn’t tell me anythimg regarding her. He keeps me in the dark. Which I understand however we have a son. We should be communicating. I don’t want to jnow their relationship details. That is none of my business. I do know somethings that my son tells me. And my ex seems to think i question him. I never do he just tells me. I ask him how his time was with his dad and ge tells me everything that he did.  I asked my ex for more communication and that we need to be good team mates when it comes to raising our son. That we need to be on the same page. My boyfriend is considered only mommys friend. We do not show any type of affection in front of him or around him. I set ground rules for my boyfriend and I. No sleep overs when i have my son. As for my ex i asked for the same thing and he just said ok. I have to trust him that he’s following those guidelines. And of course she is refusing to sit and have a talk with all 3 of us. I even said my boyfriend could come so that way all 4 of us could make sure we are on the same page. It is just frustrating. I am not out to hurt her. I have grown past my anger and learned how to heal and grow from mine and my exs relationship. I learned to deal without the closure i wanted. I may just message her personally instead of letting my ex do the communication. Maybe include him in like a group text or something so again he is involved. I have a gut feeling he isn’t really asking her too. I don’t know for sure, but I think he has been lying to us both. I think it all stems for when they started seeing each other when my ex and I were together. I feel like he is afraid I am going to say that we were together the whole time they were. I don’t know thats just how it seems. He is really sketchy when i try to ask if I can get to know her. I have tried telling him that my intentions are not to bring up anything from the past. And i have tried to reassure both of them that we all can be friendly. I dont want this to get ugly. I just want to know the people around him. I would never just let my son go off with a stranger. And that is exactly who she is to me.

I completely understand that. Just wish this could be easier. And this whole situation just sucks. I am trying to make the best of it for my son because he is the only thing that matters in this situation. My ex and I see eye to eye in how we want to raise him. We agree on a lot of things. Except this whole situation. He sent me a message yesterday saying I am trying to tear his relationship apart. That is the last thing I would do. Although it is a constant reminder of betrayl and disrespect he is happy. I do not wish to do that. I just want the whole situation to be more comfortable for all parties involved. I tried telling him that. He just don’t want to hear it. I haven’t messaged her like I wanted too. I have respected his choices. I am just over it. As long as my son is happy that is all that matters. I just wanted to give him a family that can still have family days and have somewhat of a whole family. My parents are divorced and i watched it turned ugly. That is my biggest fear him to go through what i went through!