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Addressing sleep anxiety with Buddhist wisdom?

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  • #53008
    jcat
    Participant

    Hi everyone. So, I’ve had unrefreshing sleep for 20 years (underlining anxiety most likely the cause, have seen docs, etc.), which gives me terrible daytime sleepiness and requires a nap in late afternoon to get me through day. Past years this hasn’t been problem; lately, though, a little voice has been saying, “you won’t nap/sleep unless your cat is on your bed, ” or “You can’t sleep unless boyfriend is sleeping next to you”, or some such thing. Thing is, I CAN sleep without those things, but these little ‘voices’ (my own fear?) get into my head and then I predictably get anxious and fulfill their prophecis.

    My question is, what do I do? how do i talk back to/accept the anxiety? Do i replace negative thoughts with positive ones? Or do I try to practice non-attachment to the thought process all together, because, well, thoughts are the problem here, and who can really ‘control’ them…???

    I feel like I can deal with anxiety, but when I’m trying to nap/sleep I’m so set on relaxing and falling asleep that ‘controlling’ the anxiety takes on new importance–and thus, produces new anxiety. 😉

    I guess I’d like to know what I should do–positive thoughts? Or no thoughts, just practic non-attachment to thought, etc. Thank you so much!!!!

    #53015
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi, you answered your own question when you said I can sleep without those things 🙂 the best thing to do is see the thought but let it drift off again unfortunately it does take time and practice, not getting a good sleep does tend to make the mind race but you will get there, I found answering back to the thoughts only helped to increase them, try to get a routine for bedtime, lavender is fantastic on your pillow 🙂 I highly recommend it! Don’t focus on trying to fall asleep your body will do it all by itself just sit back and feel your body relaxing, I had trouble sleeping and this is all the things I used and it helped me get my sleep pattern back 🙂 reading helps as well, good luck I hope this helps you x

    #53066
    LaReason
    Participant

    I’ve been suffering from poor sleep and daytime sleepiness for the past few years and I fully understand what you mean. Your mind is dreading how tired you will feel the next day after yet another poor night’s rest, and it seems the harder you try to relax and fall asleep the harder it is. It’s crazy how much our mind can affect our bodies! My doctor’s diagnosed me with sleep disorder after sleep disorder and I finally just realized I don’t have a sleep disorder, I have an anxiety problem.

    Lavender eye masks have helped me IMMENSELY. You can get them for pretty cheap on Etsy.com and they really help me a lot.

    Other than that, I’m looking forward to other responses because I certainly have not conquered this problem! I got a pathetic amount of sleep last night due to anxiety that I could not breathe away, and today I feel like I could fall asleep just typing this. Not conducive to a productive day! :p

    #53070
    Matt
    Participant

    Jcat,

    I’m sorry for your restlessness and suffering, and can understand how it can be difficult to relax, let go and sleep. Often when we have a very creative mind, we end up on numerous wild goose chases around our brain. Sleeping is difficult in this state, because during the goose chase, little things capture our attention, preventing our relaxation. Little things, like “maybe I left the light on” to big ones, such as “what do I do about him/her/it”. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    Consider that perhaps what you’re dealing with is “agitated mind”, rather than anxiety, cat not on the bed, boyfriend on the Xbox, and so forth. Those are symptoms, little clinging bits that catch your attention, cycle around and so forth, but the underlying cause is restlessness in the brain. Which is not unusual, unworkable or difficult to untangle, settle.

    It does however, require a bit of “stepping back” or “becoming rooted in awareness” or “developing concentration”. Imagine for a moment that many of us carry a stick with a carrot on it, and usually focus a lot of our attention on the carrot. Chasing our dreams, the next meal, the next movie, TV program, sexual experience etc… the carrot always changing, shifting. Sort of “leaning into the future” or chasing expectations. So, when we lay down at night, we try to set down the carrot and stick, but our mind is still chasing… so it gets creative, and starts inventing new needs to chase. “Cat”, “boyfriend”, “lights off” and so forth become illusions, as though they are needed for rest, for peace.

    Stepping back is a matter of seeing the carrot, the stick, and the being laying in bed, seeing the fantasy, and letting it go. For me, the easiest time I had was in counting breath meditation, which helps develop concentration. Said differently, doing a counting breath exercise can help give the mind something to do, a helpful carrot that brings concentration. Consider searching YouTube for “Ajahn Jayasaro counting breaths” on YouTube if interested.

    Another thing that might help is to stop trying to sleep, and try to find rest. It isn’t about drifting off into some dream state, its about setting down all the carrots, and letting your body relax, come home, feel safe. If you’re visually inclined, consider envisioning you and your bed in a vast field of flowers and light. No need of this or that, no direction to go, no aim, just laying in bed, with endless horizons on all sides of you. As thoughts come up “where’s my cat?” just nod at the thought, notice it, and open the space back up, move back to field. As we practice in that way, instead of getting sucked into the “cat” bits, whereby we begin to feel restless outside (must.get.cat….), the thought comes up like a flower in the field, and doesn’t challenge the peacefulness. Just a blossom with an interesting smell, interesting goofyness (need a cat to sleep, ha ha ha self, good one!).

    Finally, consider looking around your waking life and try to see where and what it is that challenges your feeling of safety. Sometimes when we are insecure about our body, our past, our romantic partner and so forth, these nighttime fantasies/restless feelings and thoughts are results. For instance, if our mom is in the hospital, we may really want that cat to help remind us of home, of love, of being grounded, well rooted and so forth. Sometimes its not something as direct as mom being sick, rather a general sense of “not safe” or “unable”. If you can find the sources of that (past or present) and shine compassion into them (make space, bring them into the field etc), then the mind won’t push and pull nearly as much. Much like wind is very agitating to a tree with no roots, but an oak is unchallenged, resolute with thick roots.

    Namaste, may you find your quiet space.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #53117
    Jack Tom
    Participant

    These are all very interesting mind techniques, but you cant fight fire with fire. If thinking is the problem, you cannot fight it with more thinking. As a former chronic insomniac myself, i know this too well. You cant “talk” with anxiety.

    Try to remember a time when you got great sleep. What was different about that day? For me, a thinker like yourself, I’ve found that the best way to quiet the mind is too use the body. During the day, expend some energy, get some exercise. Maybe do some yoga or stretch before bed. Then at night, weariness will help you sleep peacefully and recuperate – that’s what sleep is for anyway.

    To completely clear the mind of thoughts is an exercise in futility. The mind will continue to run even in your dreams. When sleeping, You have to allow yourself to dwell in your body. It is hard for a mind-dominant individual, but it’s secretly what you’ve been missing. Get in touch with your body and its needs and sleep will come naturally. Let your body be in the present moment and the mind will follow.

    #53126
    jcat
    Participant

    Thanks all. I really appreaciate your responses, I’m going to revisit all your posts, to extract all the wisdom there!

    Just to clarify: I do sleep; I just won’t sleep *well* if I have these ‘superstitious’ thoughts…I don’t feel like ‘mind chatter’ has been a problem regarding falling asleep, but I do have these times where I ‘superstitiously’ believe that if something isnt’ right (i.e cat not on bed) I won’t sleep well. I don’t really miss the cat; I’ve just somehow convinced myself (out of fear?) that i won’t sleep. But if I go upstairs, get the cat and put him on the bed, I’ve then convinced myself I will sleep, and I do. But I don’t want to rely on said cat, of course!! 😉

    (And no amount of lavendar, exercise, tea, etc. will overcome the powerful thoughts that tell me I won’t sleep well! )

    I guess if I believe all my thoughts the rest of the day (and I do get very emotional about stuff, get stuck in my head), it won’t be as easy to dismiss those thoughts at night. So, I need to practice non-attachment–all the time! I thought if I could tell myself, ‘you’ve slept fine without cat before’, I could win. But there is no winning with one’s thoughts, generally!

    But if I *don’t* typically practice mindfulness throughout the day, will I be successful with it at night? Or–again–do I really need to start practicing it fulltime? That’s why I thought, maybe I can do positive thinking instead, since most of my life is based around ‘thoughts’. But…I think I know the answer….to be generally happier, in addition to sleeping better, I need to practice mindfulness and non-attachment.

    Right?

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