Dear anita,

well, I am still working on it. My thought was that even if somebody has a bad opinion about me, in the end, it doesn’t matter. It matters more what I think about myself.

Yes, you had already mentioned the stevia. I will have to look for it next time I buy groceries. It will be worth a try! Thank you for the tip!

Today was so-so, the good thing was that it was a sunny day and I got to go out for a walk. Then I spent too much time worrying.

Tomorrow I want to continue to work on my projects and do my best.

Dear anita,

maybe I would want to substitute sugar with fruit. Or I am o.K. with a little bit of chocolate, but not having a bar of chocolate every day or worse, eating several sweets / unhealthy things in a very short time and then feeling bad about it. It helps to go to the grocery store fewer times a week and it also helps to have other options available like yoghurt with fruit or unsweetened cocoa powder to make a milkshake. Maybe stevia could help with extreme cravings, like when I actually want to go to the store just to buy sweets!

About thinking well about myself: I am trying to think more positive thoughts instead of dragging myself down. Sometimes the old thinking patterns come back, but I try to think more favourably of myself. My thinking well of myself is still very attached to accomplishments and therefore there is room for self-criticism. But when I fully accept myself, things will get easier, I think.

And thank you for thinking well of me! It has helped me to know that despite all of my flaws you accepted me. And I also appreciate you and think well of you! You give your all to help people in these forums!

Today the day started slowly, but later I did get some things done. I started a new illustration. Usually, I feel a lot of resistance when starting something new, but then after a bit of sketching and the first few strokes, it gets easier. I have to remember that, to just start. There is nothing to lose… I can use cheap copy paper so it doesn’t even matter if the sketches are bad! Why is this always so hard! The good thing is that I made some progress today.

Later I also talked to my roommate and we get along quite well. Hopefully, it stays like this and I did not say something weird.

Tomorrow I want to work more on the illustration I started today and get some exercise too.

Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

today I went to therapy, then work and after that I drew for a short time and did 10 minutes of yoga.

The progress I made was that I did draw and do yoga, despite being already tired. Even if it was just for a few minutes.

Today in therapy we also talked about why I am sabotaging myself. So at one hand, I want my drawings to be seen, but on the other I fear getting judged. I have a big worry about getting judged, a fear that if I was more successful, more people would see the drawings and I lose control over who sees it. And that then, people would criticize it or me and make me out to be a horrible person… Also I become afraid of people’s expectations, disappointing their expectations. Maybe these things are reasons why I stand in my own way.

Tomorrow I want to work more on my drawings for project C, exercise and stick to my routines.

But for now I will go to sleep. Have a good day!

Dear anita,

good to hear that you had a good day! And how nice that you have found nettles. I am thinking of cooking something with nettles or wood garlic soon. Maybe an omelette for easter/spring.

And I never knew you lived by the ocean. That must be so nice!

Today I am quite content with myself. I woke up early, cleaned for 10 minutes and did yoga for 18 minutes. Then I worked on project C in the morning and afternoon and finished one illustration. The sooner I get my old projects done, the faster I get to start a new project! Hopefully, I will quickly make progress.

So I want to continue to work on project C tomorrow, but also exercise more. Maybe I should go for a run, or do some workout or something.

Now I will journal or read for a bit. Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

o.K., I misunderstood. But living in the woods is also nice. One day I would also like to live more close to nature.

But for now, I have to enjoy the nature I have around. You are right, the nettles are best when young. I have to make more of an effort to get out more.

Still, my day was overall o.K. today. I did not accomplish everything I set out to do, but a bit. In the morning I read a book about German history, I cooked a healthy dinner and worked on my illustration. Maybe it was not that much, but I know what to do next. In the evening I talked to my sister and we can talk pretty well about everything. At the moment she is the person I can talk most openly to.

I am trying to become more content with myself and maybe not expect too much. I think I am making progress.

Tomorrow I would like to continue on that illustration and maybe journal about my goals, which I wanted to do for a longer time.