No, you are neither crazy nor abusive. I am somewhat in a similar situation. My now-ex would tell me I was bipolar, he would ask which personality he is talking to. The list of things I could and could not do, bordered on ridiculous. When I confronted him and said he was abusive, he too claimed that I was the abusive one. As you have already written, mind control is a powerful tool. There were days when I felt smaller than small, when I questioned my own sanity…and I possess an undergraduate degree in Psychology, at that.

Abuse takes many forms. There doesn’t have to be physical contact for it to be considered as such.

I am so sorry you are going through this right now, same as I presently am.

The best of luck and stay strong!

Wilma

I would get the same thing…”which personality am I talking to today?” I don’t meet the criterion for being bipolar. Its a word they use without knowing what it even means.

I got the nipple twists. Finally one night I told him that if he did that again, I would leave. He stopped. Imagine having that done to you during their most sensitive time of the month. Luckily, that was a far as the physical went.

I too feel guilty of being accused of being abusive. I was often too afraid to say anything. I am not sure how I was abusive. I guess I will never know.

Surprisingly, my previous boyfriend has reassured me that I am perfectly normal, and nowhere close to being bipolar or having a split personality.

As much as it hurts for it to be over, I’m also relieved. I don’t have to listen to someone tell me I’m something I’m not. Hopefully we can both put the mind games behind us and live the lives we were meant to live.

Hi! You know that this is abusive behavior, and I think you know what you have to do, but are afraid to take the next step.
People can change, but it takes time. Are you willing to take that time, and risk a worst-case scenario?
Is he worth you putting your safety on the line to help him? From what you’ve said, I’m not convinced that he is.
Sometimes people fall into a habit where they think that what they say or do is said or done jokingly, or that it’s not that big of a deal, but they don’t realize how it affects other people.
It’s the way their minds work.
For some reason, your boyfriend thinks all of these things that he’s doing is acceptable, and they’re not. Imagine how long it will take for him to completely re-learn how to interact with someone.
Benefit of the doubt is a good policy, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I don’t think you can help him, and I think (I know you have no reason to listen to me, but think about it) you should consider leaving before it’s too late.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/08/living/inside-batterers-mind/
Peace 🙂

You can give him another chance, if you feel it may pay off. You can give him as many chances as you like.

I’m serious: you know the risks here. You’re not naive to the cycle of abusive behaviour, you know this may just him playing honeymoon behaviour until you reconcile and then he can mess with you again. Or maybe he realises he made a mistake and will make a genuine effort to change.

What you risk is time – the time you spend trying to make it work with someone who may never be good for you. But you have a lifetime. It’s ok to risk losing some time sometimes. The only other risk is that every time you listen to his honeymoon patter and forgive him and give him another chance, you get enmeshed a little more deeply in what may be a spiral to heck. Will it be easier to say goodbye next time he’s driven you to the edge? Can you look in your heart and say honestly, this is really his last chance?

You deserve better that what he’s been giving you. Much better. Know that, and use it as your compass now and in the future.

Hi. I read your post and all of the comments. I’m actually in a web of emotions lately. Long story short. I am a lesbian femme married to a bunch. Six and a half years now. I’ve left twice. And came back both times. I’m sure you can imagine how the taking me back went on. But I struggle with firstly I am feminine, emotional, full of self doubt etc.. I can empathize with everything you guys feel. I feel it too. However, being she is buck/more masculine and dominant, we express things differently. Yes she is a woman and has the same chemical emotional makeup, but we’ve been fighting lately and it feels we are on other sides of the world. She’s got mental issues anxiety etc.. but my concern is, is she really in love with ME or just the idea of me or the idea of love or whatever her expectation in her mind is. I am deeply romantic and passionate and I find its like she is too.. but not the way with ME that I envision. She’s got health problems too so questioning the status of our relationship is nearly impossible and I have looked pay our stormy history, but its peeking back through .. and the last fight we had I was an emotional crying wreck… and yet I sadly looked up pinterest quotes to cheer myself up and apologized and tried to act put together, but we start bickering and then my mind spirals all over again. Is this right? Does she want to change me out vice versa? Should I ignore the BS and focus on our love and commitment? But what if we’ve just habitually conditioned our hearts to feel our minds to believe we are deeply in love when maybe just maybe me, or her, or both is just in love with the idea of love. God I had to google the difference to get it. I still don’t understand. But then what if I’m deep inside expecting this love that’s not “her” like she will never never chase me down after a fight and apologize and profess her deep love for me. She’s a stubborn italian. But in all sincerity, I am more concerned that maybe my life my relationship isn’t going to go the ways I keep ring to convince myself they will be. If that makes sense. We’ve had bouts of confrontation, emotional, mental, physical… maybe I’m all shaken up tonight because it’s the first time in a while it went “there” physically. She stormed off to the bedroom and I sat shocked on the couch and cried like a part of me died. And all I could do was sob and pray to god. This is days after she bought me a rainbow rose and told me how much I have been helping her etc love love bla bla.. sorry for the ramble. But I’ve had zero outlet in like 6 years..

Thanks. Those are really good straightforward questions to consider. I really cannot see cutting myself off from this relationship. Though I’ve done it before. I’ve come back. . And realized this is where I being, with he. Etc etc fill in a reason. I can come up with hundreds of reasons to stay. I’m not even questioning staying or going, maybe subconsciously I am.. But deep down when I am by myself to think and ponder, I always feel I’ve come up short. I just got a Facebook page after like four five years because I didn’t have my own internet access really. And I did searches of all these old friends and family and family friends. I’m like taken aback. Everyone’s growing up getting older doing things with their lives, and I know it’s just Facebook.. But I haven’t been in touch. You see I have a different life than before I met my wife. I’ll grrr into it later.. But I has a life, friends, a job, outside environment, stimulation, hobbies, sex. And sex I’d a whole different subject too, lol. But anyways, everyone is growing up and even though technically I am too, it feels like life is moving on without me and I’m still her standing still in essence.. I don’t have a job, or a ton of friends, or a noted direction. I’m like a homebody housewife. Cooking cleaning. Taking care of my wife and our cats. Always together. She’s old than me.. she did the whole twenties experience life figure yourself out thing. I married at 20. Like for months after I turned 20. It was impulsive, romantic, adventures, knock you off your feet lovely fantastic love. So I sat lets get married. Unbeknownst to what a long term live together marriage is about.. I didn’t know it affects your sex life, or you start arguing, or have responsibilities, and finance trouble. Things didn’t fall into place naturally.. we struggle and to this day struggle, but we manage and are grateful foot everything. It’s a Lot at once, well combined .. my personal inner struggle and discovery, growing up, my future, her health, my health, or relationship. It goes on and on. But she’s diabetic, overweight, has mental issues, type a blue up in your face kind of girl, and we’ve had ups and downs buy we keep making it through. A find example of strength. But to be honest, I’ve lost who I am along the way, I had a briefish affair, and still feel pulled in many directions. I can convince myself I’m happy no worries, and I can convince myself I am sad and psycho over analyze everything till I am in tears. WtF. And as for the question, it goes back to privacy, trust, freedom and lack of it and lack of friends.. sad. I wish we could have a normal “hey I’m going to sallys for the weekend see you when I get back” secure relationship.. nope. It’s just that’s not how the dynamics are and the mental stuff too affects it. I hope none of these posts can be found by her somehow she will kill me. Lol not really but she’ll be pissed. Thanks again. Any other comments on anything is always welcome.